Old News List

News
Jan. 4th, 2017
Rat Problems!
Fyrst wez gytz ryd uv dem lyz’rdz und nuw wez gutz u ratz prublym. Uggg. Duz any’un no u guud xt’yrmyn’tr?

Ut weez’t zum Orc teemz joynd uz dyz zeez’un!! Yt’z ubuwt tym!!!

Translation (via Luv’n da Ork Luva):

First we get rid of them lizards and now we got a rat problem. Uggg. Does anyone know of a good exterminator?

At least some Orc teams joined us this season!! It is about time!!!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 31st, 2016
Stragglers, Stragglers Everywhere
We have fourteen teams loaded into the roster for the '17 Flatland Cup. Ye stragglers, yes ye stragglers, leave behind thy days of yore. The new season begins tomorrow.

~Gritz da Frtiz - RFBBL League Administration
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 13th, 2016
A Vote can Never be Wrong
Breaking News:

The executive staff at the RFBBL just finished voting on the upcoming changes to the 2517 Season.

All teams will be entering a full re-start. Yup, from scratch.

The new GW rules from the Blood Bowl 2016 Boxed Set, Death Zone Season I, and any official FAQ and Errata will be in place.

The House-Rule section has been adjusted.

League Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, would like to thank all of those who attended. "Un bee'av uv da exekutyv teem I'z wud lyk tu zay guud job!" Yt'z gunna bee a guud'r!"

~Burnt Cookies / Star Reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 10th, 2016
Season V - Player's Meeting
Hey everyone - if you are interested in joining us for the 2017 Season drop by Wok Box South at 7:30 on Monday, Dec 12. Onwards we will go. Lots of stuff to debate and discuss. It should be interesting at the very least.

Finalized Season Dates:
Early Season: Jan 1 - Feb 17
Mid Year Activity - Sat, Feb 18
Late Season: Feb 19 - Apr 1
Play-Offs - Begin April 2 (1 week per round)
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 2nd, 2016
Da Zky yz Fawl'yng!
Der muz't bez zum'yng yn der aar.

Yz 'av'nt zeen dyz urmawnt uv grum'lyn yn yeerz. Zalary kapz iz gunna kylz 'uz. Da zky yz fawl'yng.

Fur da luv uv Mork n Gork Y'm ulm'zt gunna gytz myz chaanzaw owt n ztart chawp'n zzyt.

~Da Big Green 'Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

There must be something in the air. I haven't seen this amount of grumbling in years. Salary caps are going to kill us. The sky is falling.

For the love of Mork and Gork I am almost going to get my chainsaw out and start chopping shit.

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Nov. 9th, 2016
GW: Making Blood Bowl Great Again?
Well folks.. granny has her hands back in the mud. Will the new version of Blood Bowl be great or a flop? Will Regina need to build walls to keep out those smelly lizards?

Whatever the result I am looking forward to the ride. New Edition and Death Zone Season I should arrive late November 2516.

Get ready Regina. Season V Of the RFBBL will be starting early January.

~Burnt Cookies / Star Reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
May 20th, 2016
2516 Season Wrap
Hey everyone,

Sorry it has taken me so long to post this. Without further ado, a drum roll please:

1st Place - Galling Tyranny of Time / Slaan
2nd Place - Gooby Skabbers / Underworld
3rd Place - Ulthuan United / High Elves

Wooden Spoon / Dino-Mite / Lizardmen
Most Dangerous Team / Zorbug's Best Basha's / Orc
Fair Play / Tauriel's Elves / Wood Elves

Individual Player Awards:
Season MVP / Bully Smurf / The Eerty Nemegols / 81 SPP's
Top Thrower / Pin Pointe / Turunga Meeple Leafs / 39 completions
Top Scorer / Bully Smurf / The Eerty Nemegols / 24 TD's
Top Cruncha / Scoot Macsplat / Turunga Meeple Leafs / 18 casualties
Top Killa / Agrippa / Kroxigor / The Itza Ravagers / 4 kills

Two individual player awards also means Bully Smurf has also entered the Hall of Fame. Quite a feat for his inaugural season!

Finally, we have our first league Star Player - Clyde Crabtree. He will be eligible to play for a Dwarf, Chaos Dwarf, Human or Chaos Pact team and will cost 290 gps. Full stats for Clyde can be found under the team reference section on this site.

Thanks again everyone for such an amazing season. And congrats to Mark and his leaping frogs on a well-deserved victory.

Cheers!
~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 9th, 2016
Final Day for Late Season Matches
Hey everyone,

It has been a pretty incredible year. Please have your games input by end of day Sat, April 9th.

Best of luck in the play-offs and if you didn't quite make it thanks for giving it your best shot.

~mb
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 24th, 2016
Congratulations CC - A True Legend!
Well folks. Finally, We have a winner.

After another MMR win, in a game vs the Biggar Badmen, Clyde put on an amazing show with a TD, Injury and Completion.

Drum roll please.

Our first Legend of the RFBBL is none other than Mr. Clyde Crabtree of the Misty Mountain Revengers!

Clyde joined the RFBBL in early 2514. In one of his first matches against Da Rottin’ Eye Raiderz he managed a TD and casualty. Despite playing on a moderately successful team (1 x 2nd place appearance) Clyde has truly been the All-Star. Here are his current league statistics:

4 Completions
36 TD’s (League Record)
18 Casualties (3 kills)
1 CAS vs a wandering monster (2515 ASG Dugneonbowl)
5 MVP’s
3 All-Star Game appearances
Season MVP – 2514

It is expected Clyde will be hanging up his cleats at the end of this year.

“I have done what no-one else has done so far. It has been a great career at the RFBBL. A bit bitter sweet getting there in a game where Harsk died. That hurt. I will probably hang around next year, however, and play a game or two if the money is right”, stated an emotional Clyde. “My hat is off to Coach Shaleworker. He pushed me hard in some games even against impossible odds. But we are Dwarves. Odds are what we beat.”

“I am so proud of Clyde”, stated a teary eyed Misty Mountain Revenger coach, Tor Shaleworker. “I knew he could do this from the first moment he joined my team. What a Dwarf!”

A party is planned this Easter Weekend at The Old Mine. It may be hard to tell the girls Dwarves from the boy Dwarves, however.

“Kun’gratz yu ‘old tank!!” exclaimed League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un.

Whether or not you love him, Clyde’s results are nothing short of great.

So great we are expecting his bounty to move even higher over the next few days. It is already over the 100k barrier but the analysts think it could easily double.

Whatever his bounty, Regina wishes Clyde all the best for the remainder of the season and on his upcoming retirement.

Congratulations!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 14th, 2016
Tits and Dragons
Another fabulous week is in the books at the RFBBL.

The disease filled Children of the Damned are still holding onto a solid 1st place with a mighty 14/4/5 record. After a very impressive 12 game no-loss streak only The Turunga Meeple Leafs and the Eerty Nemegols have managed to break serve.

Up next, we have the High Elves of Ulthuan. They are clinging to a 12/3/4 record so far this season and are in the midst of a respectable 7 game win streak.

Would anyone even believe me if I was to tell you a Halfling team has moved into third with only a month remaining? Yes folks, The Eerty Nemegols, are up to 8/5/6 this season. The strong performance can very likely be given to their agile potential All-Star, Bully Smurf. Bully is currently leading the league for most TD’s and the most SPP”s. I am honestly quite astonished a bounty hasn’t been placed on his plump mug yet. Coaches, get rid of that bendy hobbit, please!

After third place things get a lot tighter. I mean it is close. Tits and Dragons you might say, as captured by the words of our beloved nemesis, Al Swearengen. Now don’t go off your rocker because we said Tits and Dragons. I haven’t even watched the first season of Game of Thrones yet. No spoilers here.

The Gooby Skabbers, Tauriel’s Elves, The Itza Ravagers The Eye, and The Turunga Meeple Leafs are all within 7 points of each other. Only the Ravagers, Leafs and the Skabbers, however, have a win % at or above 50%. The rest of the teams have been blasting reps in order to grab as many points as possible.

Zorbug’s Best Basha’s and The Galling Tyranny of Time still have lots of time to make a solid play-off push in terms of league points.

If the Warpstone Wylds, The Biggar Badmen, and the Walkers can get in their reps they could easily take the wildcard slots for Win %.

Lastly, we have the rest of the pack. The Misty Mountain Revengers, The Orange Bronco Crushers, Dino-Mite, The Chaos Brawlers Football Club, and Maximus’ Maruaders all seem to be involved in a “building for next year” type of season. Hopefully their building will be a little more efficient than those Edmonton Oilers, however.

To be honest, I would love to see their ship turn-around with a strong finish for the year! And we are still waiting to see if ye old Clyde Crabtree can reach the upper echelons of the game?

All being said, it is shaping up to be a one hell of a run.

Coaches, please be reminded that the play-offs will begin on Sunday, April 10.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 10th, 2016
What is in a Name?
A brand new survey was released today and the results are rather disturbing.

According to the latest Pullag poll, in 2513, 2514, and 2515 one in every eight babies was being named “Comes”.

To make matters worse, the poll indicated they could not confirm if it was being used mostly as a boy’s name.

Ai, don’z ‘av zee reezun’z quite yet”, confirmed nomenclature expert Comes Ludwig Von Boom. “Eet’z eezn’t a human pheenomeenon eeider. EEt’z hard to tell wit dee Goblins and Halflings and Orceez.”

Yes folks. This means all races within the province are choosing “Comes” as their first baby name of choice.

"Yikes. No longer will the old stand-by names such as Mohammed, Joseph, Michael, Mary, Patel, Zhou, Elder, and Chuck be the most popular names here. Birdy Bird. Our society is going to the birds", wailed Mohammed Joseph Michael Chuck Norris, a local RFBBL fan.

“There is no denying, Comes duh Boom has a loyal following. He is the greatest Ogre to have played in the RFBBL. These Saskatchewan Fans are hysterical about their favourite sport”, stated Turunga Meeple Leafs coach, Rokik Thorwulfsson.

“Umm, yeah. OK. What planet are you on Rokik?” retorted Orange Bronco Crusher coach Mad Dog Madden. “If Road Kill Master had played as many games he would easily be Saskatchewan’s favourite Ogre.”

“You both are incompetent” replied Maximus, head coach of Maximus’ Marauders. “I cannot even think of where Torvald will be after 30+ games.”

In addition to “Comes” being the most popular name it is often followed by “duh”, “Do” or some other D name variant.

I think there must be something in the water. I will blame those unholy Nurglings and Rats.

I mean honestly. Can a name be any more dumb than "Comes"?

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 3rd, 2016
Da Laat Zeezun und da Playuvz
Da Laat Zeezun und da Playuvz

Wyv ull dez graat gamz dyz yeer wez gunna x tend da laat zeezun tu Apryl 9. Rownd un frum Apryl 10 tu 16 und Rownd twu frum Apryl 17 tu 28. Fynal yz Sundaay, Maa Un yv da koochez wunt tu plaa yt at da FRAG kunventyn.

Ulzo, ytz wud bee graat tu ‘yt un un’dred un fyft’y gamz dyz yeer. Lez du dyz!

~Da Big Green ‘Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

The Late Season and Playoffs

With all the great games this year we are going to extend the late season to April 9. Round one of the playoffs will be from April 10 to 16. Round two will be from April 17 – 28. The final match can be held on Sunday, May 1 at the FRAG convention if the coaches wish.

Also, it would be great to hit one hundred and fifty games this year. Let’s do this!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 1st, 2016
How Many Booms in a Boom?
“I never tawt I wud see duh day”, grugged Turunga Meeple Leafs Ogre, Comes duh Boom. “Orcs, Nurgles, future star ‘lings and probably more want my name. MY NAME! What a glorious day!”

“We all thought, 'what the heck is happening' when all these “Brainy” coaches were showing up in the league”, stated Gorg Nogger, a local RFBBL fan. “Comes da Boom will soon become the top chant in the league. Only problem is which ‘Boom’ do they mean? To be honest, I don’t really get the appeal of the name. It is kinda heavy.”

Appeal or not, Comes duh Boom now officially has the highest bounty on his head at a meagre 220k.

“E’z Nak’ng un meez naam”, howled Comes Da Boom, a Black Orc Blocker from Zorbug’s Best Basha’s.

“E e e z z N n a a a k k ‘ n n g g u u n n m m m m m m e e e e z z n n a a a m” sludged Comes Do Boom, a Nurgle Rotter from the Children of the Damned.

Despite Comes duh Booms elation about the glorification of his name, Meeple Leef’s head coach, Rokkik Thorwulfsson is livid. Declining a formal interview, he sent a Twitty (trademark) indicating he will be challenging any Comes duh Boom imposters and eating them for chicken dinner.

I must say, in all of my years of reporting this might be the strangest phenomena yet.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 26th, 2016
Dem Bownty'z
“Ull deez Bownty'z und no’unz klaamz rez’ponz’y’bylytyz! Yuz ullz need u kyk yn da kan. Iv yu a’ynt tuff e’nuff fur dyz leeg mabee’z tryz nyt’ng!

~Da Big Green 'Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

About Them Bounties!

All these bounties and no one to claim responsibility. You all need a kick in the can. If you aren’t tough enough for this league maybe try knitting!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 23rd, 2016
Kevin Found!
Cleon Salmon can feel relieved. His faithful minion, Kevin, was found Saturday at the Mid-Season All-Star Dungeon Bowl Game.

About half way through the match the Biggar Badmen Werewfolf, Rip Jaw McLeod was dumped into a pit. Kevin was huddled in a corner whimpering. As soon as the little guy saw his teammate he jumped onto him and would not let go.

“Damn those zombie nails. They hurt!” stated Rip Jaw. “I could have been ‘infected’.”

“He is a bit chubbier than I expected”, reported Cleon. “I guess those Halfwits feed their captives quite well.”

DNA samples were taken after the match to ensure parity. The test results came back positive. This Kevin is Kevin.

As such, the formal investigation against the RFBBL, Lord Bulwark, and the Ulthuan United team have been terminated.

“We are now holding Brainy Smurf for questioning.” Reported lead KSIS investigator, Birdy Quakker. “Brainy Smurf, or BS as we like to call him, was given plenty of opportunity to come forward before tying up the poor guy and dumping him into a pit.”

Although there are many unanswered questions this may serve as a good reminder to keep those you love close. It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and forget about those we care about.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 22nd, 2016
Did you Know? – Stunty Injuries
There may have been some confusion with Stunty players and the hurt they inevitably receive in a game of Blood Bowl.

Well, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am here to make things right.

A roll of 7 on the injury chart after modifiers is a KO. A roll of 9 on the injury chart after modifiers is Badly Hurt.

Therefore, to really put the hurt (i.e. a serious injury or death) on a Stunty you need to modify the injury to a 10 or more.

Now you know.

Righty Leftwing (leading RFBBL NUFFLE lore expert)
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 19th, 2016
A Dungeon and Free Cabalvision!
Are the Rumours True?

This morning Da Big Green Un’ announced a big change to this year’s Annual All-Star Game. The entire city is reeling and holding their breath in anticipation.

With the recent discovery of the underground tunnels and cavern complexes below the North Central Community Centre, it has been decided this location will be an amazing venue for an “All-Star Dungeon Bowl” event.

“Limited Communication and the BCB will be broadcasting the match live via Cabal Vision”, stated Nutty Nutz, the League Communication officer. “As such, the game will be broadcast in High Def throughout the province. With two of the largest broadcasting companies doing the coverage fans will not miss a second of the action.”

“Phew… I thought I would have to miss the game again this year”, exclaimed a relieved fan, Glurtz Glitzy Glitz. “Six bucks for an All-Star Game nosebleed seat is really out of my budget these days. Pet rock sales have been down this winter. And… Did you NOT see how the price of gas jumped today?? For no reason even! Tough times, tough times.”

Yes, that is correct. The price of gas at the pumps jumped over 30 cents per Litre today.

“So much for Sunday afternoon cruising. Those plans are now nix. It must be nice to sell a commodity where you can set whatever price you wish and still have customers”, commented Apple Pieface, a local business owner.

So far, all of the teams have nominated their representative for the upcoming match. Unfortunately, there will be one scratch to the match. Zezal Torlyl, last year’s MVP, will not be able to attend. The Witch Elf will instead be attending the World Conference for Debauchery and Dubious Sacrfice held in Saudi Arabia.

“That is an awful set of priorities,” gruffed, Huffle Gruffledorf, a former Dark Elf Lineman player. “Them damn Witch Elves always control their shots. I am sick of it.”

The head coaches are not even sure how to approach the game. Nothing like this has happened in the history of the league.

“We got some serious head smashing, err contemplating, to do!” stated Rokkik Thorwulfsson, head coach of The Turunga Meeple Leafs. “So much to figure out and so little time.”

As expected, there will most definitely be some head smashing tomorrow. Regina, we can’t wait!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 13th, 2016
The Investigation Continues
"Someone is in hot water. According to RFBBL data, Kevin, of the Biggar Badmen was involved in a match against the Gooby Skabbers. Official records indicate he was both injured and recorded statistics for the game.

http://www.reginaflatland.bloodbowlleagu...

In an ongoing official investigation by KSIS (Kanadian Silliness Investigation Squad) Kevin is still missing.

How can this be?

I would like to think Lord Bulwark may have something to say on this matter. He is always Harking about 5th dimensions and a best of 27 play-off series. With scientists claiming proof of gravitational waves I am sure this may also be part of the solution.

Or perhaps, Cleon Salmon, is hiding something? Perhaps the entire "Kevin is missing" was a fabrication to garner notoriety and fans.

Prince Veng-yr of Eatain could also be suspect as his team was involved in the match during the official disappearance.

Witnesses of the match on Thursday, Feb 11 indicate the player on the field certainly looked like Kevin. But a Minion is a Minion is a Minion. If this player truly was Kevin is anyone's guess. He simply disappeared immediately after the match.

Also, does anyone recall how Brainy Barrett was trying to lure players for Lizard experiments?

If something is not resolved soon the entire league could be placed under investigation.

Da Big Green 'Un declined to comment.

Locker room explosions and player disappearances could easily affect the Late Season.

The RFBBL is a mess. And I am going to get to the bottom of it."

~Birdy Quakker - Chief KSIS Drone
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 11th, 2016
Locker Room Explosions!
The Regina Fire Department, City Police, and the RCMP Bomb Squad Detachment were called to 1313 Ratkinson Street early Thursday morning. This location was known as the unofficial retreat (also known as “the locker room”) for the RFBBL Team, The Warpstone Wylds.

“I have never been so scared in my life”, stated Pip-Squeak, a local resident.

Witnesses to the scene described complete annihilation. Nothing was left except a pile of dirt and smoke.

Head Coach of the Wylds, Erwügen, could not be found for comments. Investigators are still unsure of the owner of the team, but some have stated a shady character named, Ryvian Moskokoko-Snitch, may be responsible. A province wide search has begun for his arrest.

“Yv zert’n’ly put da feer uv Mork un a fu gytz… But dyz yz bord’r’lyn terrur’izm!” stated Da Big Green ‘Un in a press conference.

It is still undetermined who was in the building at the time of the explosion.

“Rathuas’ are notorious for being a complete mess”, stated Garth MaPoulin, a leading local expert on pest control. “We don’t really even know where to begin. Nothing like this has happened in Regina since the Cyclone back in 2412.

“If they are capable of taking a loss that badly maybe they are in the wrong sport”, commented Ulthuan United Head Coach, Prince Veng-yr of Eataine. “We all think Kim Jong is a lunatic, sacking his top employee’s, but this is just as extreme. I cannot imagine what would have happened if the score was 5-0.”

As such, the City Mayor, Michallevelli Fougerelli, has requested extreme caution for their next match later this week. Full police will be in attendance as well as the RCMP.

“At leezt wez wunt’z need’z tu payz any refz dat gamz!!!” exclaimed RFBBL treasurer, Gitz McShady-Shady.

As always, keep your news locked on the Regina Morning Follower for all of the latest news, sports and weather.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 9th, 2016
RFBBL Talk Feb 9, 2516
Biff: Greetings sports fans! Welcome to RFBBL talk! RFBBL talk is brought to you by your two favourite hosts, Biff McGriff (Human Lineman) and Swaltzy Nimerode (League Analyst).

Swaltzy: Yes, hey everyone. Welcome to Episode One of RFBBL talk. It is good to be here, Biff.

Biff: Absolutely, Swaltzy. Thanks for tuning in. We appreciate it! Alright, before we jump in a quick word from our sponsor!

----------
Commercial:
(Man on seat reading a paper: “Darn. I never drink enough water before the match. Stuff myself with pasta and starch instead of good sources of Fiber. Can hardly move. Get pushed around because my team can’t keep things together. So instead of getting real exercise I end up face down on the turf. Then things get tough. I mean really tough. I push hard but nothing. And then well, it happens. Things stretch. Bleeding. Itching. It is ugly folks.”
-----
Animated Preparation H Bottle: “Have no fear - Preparation H is here! Did you know Prep H was created in 2435? Yes. 80 years of butt busting relief. Your granny and gramps used Prep H so you should too! Prep H – it’s here to treat your messy mess and itchy itch.”
-----
Same man in Blood Bowl gear: “ No doubt about it. I should have used Preparation H.”
-----
End of commercial
----------

Swaltzy: What a great ad, Biff!

Biff: Urmm.. Ok. Onto the show. Swaltzy, my friend. 2516. What can we say? It has been a pretty slow start, wouldn’t you agree?

Swaltzy: Yup. Dismal, Biff. Less than two weeks to go and we just surpassed the 50 game mark. I mean the CFL plays more games in a season.

Biff: What can we do? If the coaches want to abstain they will abstain. Da Big Green ‘Un even provided incentive cash but the uptake was less than furious. Perhaps the RFBBL needs to move to a fixed schedule next year?

Swaltzy: Perhaps that is a consideration. But somehow I think it would lead to a bunch of wins by default. The apathy is indeed real.

Biff: Yup. I am surprised the fans are still here. I guess there isn’t all that much to do come winter-time in Saskatchewan. You can’t eat the fish. And the lakes aren’t frozen enough for the sleds.

Swaltzy: Speaking of fans and MORE IMPORTANTLY – cheerleaders! Did you see those babes at the Ulthuan United vs Turunga Meeple Leafs match the other night? I could hardly sit still.

Biff: Agreed. What a show that was. The Cabal Vision ratings were through the roof. And the YouTube compilations have already hit 30 million views, Swaltzy.

Swaltzy: But I lost a lot of money on my UU bet. Thought it was a sure thing to be honest. Never trust an Elf some say.

Biff: I think we should talk about the new teams, Swaltzy. As expected some are off to a relatively slow start. But then again, we have a few new teams on fire this year.

Swaltzy: Smoking hot fire, Biff. Let’s start with the Warpstone Wylds. First season. First year a rat team has joined the RFBBL. Two games in and two wins.

Biff: It’s a small sample size, but indeed they are doing all the right things. I never heard of Erwügen prior to this year. But he is quite a coach. I expect big things from small furry creatures. That catcher, or I think they call them gutter runners (shudder) is pretty solid on his paws.

Swaltzy: They have a game tonight against the High Elves, Biff. This time my money will not be on those cheap Elves.

Biff: I wouldn’t count out the High Elves yet, Swaltzy. They are the current points leaders.

Swaltzy: Ulthuan United is only the points leader because they have put their reps in. Play enough games and you are bound to get a few wins.

Biff: I am not so sure they are a bottom tier team, bud. If they could just get a match or two without a death of serious injury I think they will become a force in this league.

Swaltzy: When they win the championship I will believe you, Biff.

Biff: Moving on, next we have The Itza Ravagers. Seven Early Season games in and no losses. Four wins and three ties.

Swaltzy: Lizards seem to go from strength to strength in the RFBBL. Last year the Privateers won the cup and it seems The Ravagers are poised to make a run.

Biff: With The Privateers nowhere to be seen this year, they definitely have a fighting chance. And what can we say about those Gooby Skabbers?

Swaltzy: That is one heck of a team name, Biff. It kind of makes me shudder. I wonder if Preparation H could help with that?

Biff: Can you believe a Wood Elf would coach a bunch of rats and gobbo’s? Such an unlikely combination. What is this world coming to, Swaltzy?

Swaltzy: I still think there is a bribe, a dirty threat, or even worse behind all of this, Biff. I refuse to believe a Wood Elf would willingly help such vile creatures. Have you seen the teeth on that Tri-Drool monster? It gives me nightmares.

Biff: I am surprised Elf- kind hasn’t put a hit out for Webby, yet. They take their loyalty seriously. Or at least you would think they could attempt a rescue and give the whelp a full trial?

Swaltzy: We can leave that up to the frail one’s I guess. At least we have Tauriel to fill the forest loving void.

Biff: Yup. I always admired Tauriel. She is grace defined.

Biff: Moving along, I cannot believe a Nurgle team has amassed five wins already. Nurgle? I always thought they were too slow to do anything real.

Swaltzy: Again, we have another solid coach coming out of the woods… errr… chaos portal. Ed Hunter’s team has shown great promise so far this year.

Biff: Playing the Damned Children must be a dreaded event, Swaltzy. I mean you can’t stand to look at half of them. The others are rotting and stink like garbage. Then one of them grabs you with their tentacles and you just cower. I mean gross is gross.

Swaltzy: Gross is an understatement.

Biff: And what about The Walkers, Swaltzy. We weren’t sure they would join this year. Jonny Slammer stated he had a pretty hectic schedule this year but at the last minute The Walkers arrived.

Swaltzy: I think they wanted to be sure they weren’t bested by that Necromancer, Cleon Salmon.

Biff: The Walkers are above even. Five games in with three wins, a tie and a loss. And 16 casualties for already!

Swaltzy: The Undead do what the Undead do. Break things and then score. If they break they just keep coming back for more. It is unnatural.

Biff: I also wanted to put in a quick word of our other teams. They have some socks to pick up if they want to make a push for the cup. Galling Tyranny of Time is fourth in league points. No losses yet, but they sure love their ties.

Swaltzy: I didn’t know those frogs wore ties and socks?

Biff: They sure like to Hark! Hark this. Hark that. Their Lord Bullworth cracks me up.

Swaltzy: Hark! Ye!

Biff: Hark!

Swaltzy: Good to see the little guys out this year.

Biff: Tor Shaleworker might have a word or three to say to you calling his team the little guys.

Swaltzy: I meant The Eerty Nemegols. Urrm… The Halflings, Biff.

Biff: So confusing. Little is little.

Swaltzy: Even The Turunga Meeple Leafs are doing well this year. Their performance has been less than stellar over the years, Biff.

Biff: I think they are finally getting there. They have some speed and they know how to throw a good block. They have been plastering their opponents as hard-core as the Walkers this year.

Swaltzy: Indeed. It is too bad our Orc teams are struggling. The Eye has posted a lot of ties. And Zorbug is not on top form. But they have plenty of time to turn their ship around.

Biff: Where did the Bronco Crushers go? I haven’t seen them on the field since early January. Mad Dog Madden must be contemplating his next move. Hope he is ok. His counterparts in the NFL sure made a run!

Swaltzy: I hope he can pull things together to get a few more games in this year. Yup. Broncos win Superbowl 50!

Biff: Speaking of sabbaticals, I heard Cleon Salmon is heading over to Japan for a few weeks. I heard he will be consulting with the Ashigaru Blood Bowl league in hopes he can help aid his team.

Swaltzy: Martial arts could come in handy, Biff. I shudder to see what a Werewolf or Golemn could do with that tech!

Biff: I also heard Ghorros Havoc and his little mama are adopting another child. All those chaos-kidlets make it tough to run a team. Busy, busy, busy.

Swaltzy: Where does anyone find the time when you have kidlets?

Biff: Finally we must make a note of Dino-Mite and Maximus’ Marauders. They have had a slow start this year.

Swaltzy: It all boils down to time, Biff. Blink and time is gone. I hope they can get a few more games in over the next week. Both teams show great potential. They will get there!

Biff: Yes, I am glad Entropis and Mikus joined this year. It is good to have new blood in the bowl.

Swaltzy: Even if the Early Season was a bit slow I am certainly looking forward to the annual All-Star game on Feb 20.

Biff: I heard the Green Un’ will be mixing things up this year. It should be a doozey!

Swaltzy: I can’t wait. I am in on the secret but cannot talk, yet.

Biff: I guess I must be chopped liver, then.

Swaltzy: Don’t worry Biff. Your fans still love ya!

Swaltzy: Well that is going to wrap things up for another session of RFBBL talk. Have a great night. Remember. Blood Bowl is a lifestyle. Not a style.

Biff: Good night everyone!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 4th, 2016
Fiddle Playin' Man
Fiddle Playin’ Man

Everywhere I hear the sound of marching, charging feet, boy
'Cause winter's here and the time is right for fighting on the field, boy
Well what can a poor boy do
Except to play for a blood bowl team
'Cause in swampy Regina town
There's just no place for a fiddle playin’ man
No

Hey! Think the time is right for a fan stand revolution
'Cause where I live the game to play is bribe a ref or collusion
Well, then what can a poor boy do
Except to play for a blood bowl team
'Cause in swampy Regina town
There's just no place for a fiddle playin’ man
No

Hey! Said my name is called disturbance
I'll shout and scream, I'll stomp the snotlings, I'll rail all the rat servants.
Well, what can a poor boy do
Except to play for a blood bowl team
'Cause in swampy Regina town
There's just no place for a fiddle playin’ man
No

Copyright 2516 – Rollin’ Bones

PS - a reminder from Da Big Green 'Un - no more extra cash. The bonus moola is over as the apathy incentive didn't really help...
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 2nd, 2016
League Fee's
Leeg Feez

Y ‘atz chaaz’n u gytz arown’d. Yv u ‘av’n’t paad pleez kantakt ‘ed oviz.

Ulzo – Dem ratz und dem ratz n gobbo’z r poz’tyng wyn avt’r wyn. Yt’z nut kuul. Nut kuul at ull. Zend dem ratz pakyn bakk tu Albyrta. I ‘erd dey needz zum. Yu kun leev dem gobboz wyt me doh!!

~Da Big Green ‘Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

League Fee’s

I hate chasing you guys around. If you haven’t paid please contact Head Office.

Also, The Skaven and the Underworld are posting win after win. It’s not cool. Not cool at all. Send them rats packing back to Alberta. I heard they need some!! You can leave them Goblins with me though!!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 28th, 2016
Where is Kevin??
Last night, during a match between the Biggar Badmen and Ulthuan United, Badmen Zombie, Kevin, vanished.

“He was busy playing hard until UU scored late in the first half. The next moment he was gone. We looked everywhere for him”, stated Badmen head coach, Cleon Salmon. “Heck, even the Ulthuan United players were looking with us.”

“I know what you might be thinking. This is really some kind of Home Alone pranky, prank. Where is Kevin? HaHa funny… But our investigation has been thorough. Multiple eye-witnesses confirm his mysterious disappearance”, confirmed lead investigator Joe “Harry” Pesciolio. “No fingerprints. No footprints. He wasn’t in the dungeons under the stadium. He wasn’t in the stands. He just vanished.”

“I have always thought this damn Gryffon United Stadium had a bad vibe. Poltergeists are real, ya know. I still remember seeing that documentary on TV. Ya know. “Poltergeist.” The girl and her strange TV. They’re here!!! It still gives me the willy’s”, stated Kurly Knicker-knacker the stadium caretaker. “THEY’RE HERE!!”

“It hassss to be thosssssse damn toad frogsssss”, quipped Pitch Privateer coach, Brainy Barrett. “I knowssss they have alien technologiessssss. Taking usssss into a different world for their nasssssty exxxperimentsssss.”

Believe what you will the drama is real. Kevin is missing and he most certainly isn’t home alone.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower

(The reason for this write-up is kind of odd to be honest. We were playing the match and the miniature just disappeared. It wasn't in our pockets. It wasn't on the floor. It wasn't in our figure boxes. Gone. One second we had it and the next it's missing. This kind of stuff has happened here and again at my house before but I alwas thought I was just me losing my mind. But the figure vanished. I will likely find it in a few days. That is always what seems to happen. I don't really believe in too many things supernatural but this has now happened enough times for me to be slightly un-nerved...." ~michael becker)
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 27th, 2016
Ask Lord Borak (Part III)
-The Apathy is Real-

“Dear Lord Borak,

This season I have been so hyped. Like more hyped than hyped. We have more teams than ever. So here I am in my small swampy, slime-covered cave loving life. Really loving Life. But every time I look for a match on Cabal Vision nothing. Nothing. No Ballet Beyb’z. No Menzoberanzan Shadowblades. No Redwood Firewood. No Pitch Commissioned Plunder. No Rottin’ Eyes. No Sisters. Damn. The apathy is real.

Sincerely,
Slik Myslicky
Cave 221B Baker Street”

Thanks for your note Slik. I was starting to wonder where all of my fan mail has been going. The Royal Canadian Owl Delivery service is not what it once was. Please say “Hi” to Sherlock and his buddy for me!

Slik, you are not alone on this. That is why I am here to tell it to you straight.

Let’s put things into perspective. Last season we had 12 teams. The Early Season had over 60 games. That’s an average around 5 games per team. This season Da Big ‘Un expanded the league to 20 teams. Here we are with only 30 games played and 20 some days to go. Even if we hit 60 games before Feb 19 that gives an average of 3 games per team. It is disgusting and trust me I have seen a few disgusting things in my time.

When I was a wee lad my Great, Great Grand Chaos Father once told me something. “It isn’t the quantity, it’s the quality.” Sure, you may have to wait a few days between games this year. Believe me when I tell you I know what a pain the knickers re-arranging your schedule is. Yup. I said it. Knickers. Not even a week ago I was all setup to lead my forces into Manitoba to wreck havoc on Winnipeg. But just before the invasion I found out you couldn’t drink the water. I mean, really. What kind of twisted non-Nurgle soul would dump raw sewage into their rivers and lakes? Even an invading army cannot look the other way at such filthy detritus. Don’t even get me started on my plans for Flint, Michigan. Don’t get me wrong. I understand the world needs Skaven and Nurglings. But leave the damn water alone, please.

It gets worse, Slick. Even the quality is down. I mean, aren’t the Halflings leading the casualty race? These are the end times indeed. Yes, I have already sent a letter to Team Owners.

Slik, as Burton C would say, let me break this to you gently. Sometimes you have to re-arrange things. Priorities they call it. Swamp time can wait till the second week of May. Match time is YOUR priority.

Till next time, don’t get your knickers in a knot.

Lord Borak

Please note, in order to boost our "numbers", Da Big 'Un is offering an additional 10K for all winnings (i.e. both players in each game) from Jan 27 - Feb 3. Now get playing!!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 26th, 2016
Hello From the Other Side?
Members of the Regina Necromantic and Undying Association are in complete disbelief tonight.

During a regular season game between The Biggar Badmen and The Eerty Nemegols, Star Player, Hack Enslash, became entangled in his own chainsaw.

“We have seen Hack go down a hundred times over the years”, stated Boney McCalcium. “After all, he is kind-a clumsy with that over-sized chainsaw. But I have never seen anything like this. Bones. Helmet. Jock-strap. Splinters. Bones. Splinters. Bones… gosh… It was like every part of his being was shredded. I think this is a warning to all of us. Mama’s don’t let your babies grow up to be chainsaw wielders.”

This will be the first time in four years a “true” Star of the RFBBL will almost assuredly be unable to return for the remainder of the season.

“Where do we even start? My master. MY MASTER!!” cried Hack’s personal henchmen, Igor Sewemback.

“I could care less to be honest”, stated Jonny Slammer, Head Coach of The Walkers. “We have asked him to come out to play a few times and he always declines. Maybe next time he will play with the “real” Undead.”

Although the dead may be in shock, on the other side of the city, the often outspoken and quite living “Regina Pillar for Short Stature Beings with Blue, White or Red Toque’s” are certainly breathing a sigh of relief.

“It was a terrible slaughter tonight”, stated Miss Piggyson, head organizer of the RPSSBBWRT. “At least the madness is over.”

Madness indeed. I dare you to try saying RPSSBBWRT five times quickly.

Adelle is expected to fly in to sing her latest single, “Hello, From the Other Side”. Her attendance is expected to draw most of Western Canada to Regina for the service.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 25th, 2016
UGGG!!!!
Y’v ‘erd zum grumbl’n frum dem wuzzy’z teemz. We’z kan’t play’z u ‘kuz ur teem iz gunna’z beetz u up.

Y kan’t beeleev my’z eer’z.

Pleez get’z OWT yf dat’z ‘ow uz gunna bee! Dyz izn’t fyg’r skaat’n. Dyz yz Blood Bowl. Y’v wagghh’td dem Ulthu’n U’nyt’d playz. Dat’z koor’yg. Dat’z gryt’z. Dey r ztyl elv’z doh. But u kant zay’z dey’z r wympz. But deyz elv’z. Und dun't gyt mee ztart'd un dem Zmurf'z..

Now kwyt bee’n panz’yz n zkaa’r’dy katz n ztart play’nz!! Fur da luv uv Gork Y’m mad. My leeg’z gunna bee da laf’yng stawk uv Kanada.

~A Pyzd Uv Big Green ‘Un

------------------
Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

I have heard some grumbling from them wussy teams. We can’t play you because your team is going to beat us up.

I cannot believe my ears.

Please get OUT if that’s how you are going to be. This isn’t figure skating. This is Blood Bowl. I have watched the Ulthuan United play. That is courage. That is grit. They are elves, though. But you cannot say they are wimps. But they are elves. And don't get me started on them Smurfs (Halflings)..

Now quit being pansies and start playing!! For the love of Gork I am mad. My league is going to be the laughing stock of Canada.

~A pissed off Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 21st, 2016
Ref Strike (again)
RFBBL referee’s were en masse at City Hall today.

Chants such as, “We will fight for what is right and light and night and site!” and “Hospital, hospital, stay away, come back another day!” could be heard by the referee’s guild picket line.

“Y fynk de’z ‘av been yt yn da ‘ed tuu many tym’z”, stated Orc fan, Groog da Luug.

After a week of negotiating wages and job conditions without success Local Union 631.2 decided to take action just as the season ramps up.

“Three of us ended up at Regina General in one day! I don’t receive a pension or compensation if I am not there. It stinks like a blue skink I tell ya”, ranted Hickup Sorrywart, a two year ref veteran. “Ever since da Rotten’ Eye Raiderz left our supplementary income has gone down the tubes. I mean Orc teams have Gobbo’s but they don’t pay like the Goblins. And those Gooby Skabbers are tight. TIGHT I say. It is easier to pull a tooth on Tri-Drool the Stool than get a buck or three from them.”

“Gytz zum bawlz ‘Ykup. U’v been dyfyk’lt evyr synz Y ‘yr’d ya!” commented League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un.

League officials indicated they foresaw these issues and thus have begun a new temporary foreign worker recruitment policy late last year. The migrants should start arriving any day now.

“After a long one day training course they will be ready to roll”, commented Sann Wily, the acting League Media officer.

“It’s a dirty job but someone has got to do it”, stated Smarmy Dumarmy, a three year referee veteran. “Being a bit smarter than your average bloke helps. So does that new protein supplement, Booz’T. I have been using it a lot lately and I haven’t noticed any ill-effects.”

“I have”, replied Willemena Dumarmy, Smarmy’s wife. “But you are right, a lot from a little, is still a little.”

“Quit yer Nacking Willemena”, stated Smarmy. “I am a licensed Booz’T dealer. Here is my card.”

Whatever happens, we all hope the referee’s will be back soon. When the referee’s are away it is the fans that seem to suffer most. I mean that literally.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower

Please note, from Jan 21 - 25, 2016 Bribe Inducements which fail on a "1" will gain an automatic free re-roll.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 20th, 2016
Fumbl'z Aggghhh!
Zoo… Der az been zum grumbl’n reegardyn fumbl'n.

Yt tuk zum ‘ead zkratch’n tu fyg’r ytz owt. Butz I’z gut yt nowz.

Un.) Git da bawl.

Un und un.) Dekler ur gunna pazz.

Un und un und un.) Gitz wyth pazz blawk goz.

Fowr.) Do dem ynterzeptun’z.

Un ‘and.) Rowl a dee syx fur da pazz.

Un ‘and un Un.) Zee yf ya fumbl’d yt. Subtwak’t un frum yur dee syx fur eech of deez t’yngz: Un) eech takl zown, Un und un) un yf lowng pazz or un und un yf lowng bawmb. Un und un und un) yf yer u ‘av’lyng, gobbo, ur snot, ur faree, ur mutynt stunty, ur u gozt ur watyv’r.
Add un fur eech of deez t’yngz: Un) kwyk pazz, Un und Un) yf yur akuryt, Un und Un und Un) yf ya got u ztrawng rm n ytz a lowng pazz or lowng bawmb. Yf yt’z Un ur lez dan Un ya goof’d yt.

Un ‘and und Un und Un.) Zee yf yt’z akuryt. Du ull uv de abuv wyt yur agylyty. Yf yer un elf ya kan skyp diz part.

Aggghhh… I gyv’z up…

------------------------------------------------------

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):
So... There has been some grumbling regarding fumbl'n.

It took some head scratching to figure it out but I have it now.

1. Declare you are going to pass the ball.
2. Get the ball.
3. Players with pass block do their thing.
4. See if anyone intercepts and if necessary try to negate with safe throw.
5. Roll a d6 for the pass.
6. See if you fumble the ball.
From your d6 roll subtract the following: 1) "1" for each tackle zone, 2) "1" for a long pass or "2" for a long bomb, 3) "1" if you are a snotling, goblin, halfing, fairy, mutant stunty, a ghost or whatever.
Add one to the roll for the following: 1) "1" for a quick pass, 2) "1" if you have accurate, 3) "1" if you have strong arm and threw a short pass, long pass or a long bomb.
Do some math. If the final number is one or less you goofed (fumbled).
7. See if it is accurate. If you are an elf you can skip this part. (yes, this means you recalculate the roll based on your agility and the same modifiers...

Aggghhh… I give up.

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 14th, 2016
Qyt Da Nak'ng!
Dem fatz lyzardz keep zaa’n ull dyz ztuf ‘bowt dem skynny lyzardz. Owz dez r be’en robd. Owz dez luz un purp’z. Owz dez need mur play-uv gaamz.

Den dez zayz ztuf bowt da un und tree uverz dym’n’zun…

I fynk dez luz’n der brAn celz.

No mur Nak’ng! Enuf z enufz. Skynny lyzardz kant wynz ug’n dyz yeerz. Yf Lurd Bulw’rk yz weel’y u wyz zend dem tu unuv’r plan’et ulwedy.

~Da Big Green ‘Un

Translation (via Luv’n da Ork Luva):

Quit the Naking (hmm… haven’t figured this word out yet).

The fat lizards keep saying all this stuff about them skinny lizards. How they’ve been robbed. How they lose on purpose. How they need more play-off games.

Then they say stuff about a fourth dimension…

I think they are losing their brain cells.

No more Nak’ng (sure – whatever Nak’ng is)! Enough is enough. Skinny lizards can’t win again this year. If Lord Bullworth is really a wizard send them all to another planet already.

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 12th, 2016
Free Firewood?
Late last night Regina City Police and the RCMP were called into Gnap Stadium after desperate plea’s from The Eerty Nemegols head coach, Brainy Smurf.

“Chainsaws were everywhere. Our entire team and most of our fans were trying to hold the crowd back”, stated Brainy.

Events took place after The Itza’s Ravagers Kroxigor, Agrippa, felled Hyperion the Treeman.

“It was complete chaos everywhere”, exclaimed Libble Bibble, a devout Nemegols fan.

Four members of the Ravagers were taken into custody but no charges have been formally filed. They were taken in on grounds of mischief and attempting to sell goods and services without a licence.

With the cold temperatures back in force after a relatively warm December it is assumed the madness was an attempt at making a profit off the sale of this new source of firewood. Despite the price of oil and gas being at rock bottom prices, no adjustments have been made from Government operated Sask Engergy. Sask Energy representatives declined to comment.

“It is cold outside” quipped Quippy Shrimpy. "Free firewood is free firewood."

Stay tuned to the Regina Morning Follower for all of your local news, weather and sports.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 5th, 2016
Regina Classifieds
Dear Lil’ Franny,
You look like a Tranny.  I think.  It’s hard to tell as I think you are a goblin. Or a rat. Or both? Ewe.

Dear Pale Al,
I heard beer is good for the complexion.  I recommend the Stale Pale Ale.

Dear Holy Smoke,
Your legs are to die for.  At least that is what Lil’ Franny told me.

Dear Toad the Frog,
I think you are the most beat up player in the RFBBL.  With a little work on dexterity and strength let’s make a nice, clean red line.

Dear Marauders,
Your player’s aren’t Elvis or Madonna or Cher or Slash.  Even Slim Shady has a “real” last name.

Dear Gruffin Granite-Axe,
I think you have been smashed more than Toad. Yikes.  Please retire.

Dear Action Jackson,
Knock, knock.  Who’s there?  Stonewall Action Jack.  You know, the guy you are replacing?  Best wishes, sweetie!

Dear Etropis,
Have you been kidnapped?  Or is it Lizardnapped?  Where oh where have you gone?  Skinks do indeed stink!

Dear Goat Warrior Smurf,
I usually can’t get behind your little blue or white or red toque's but that is one hell of a name!

Dear Eyes,
Orcs rule.  Long live Mork and Gork and Sneaky Git’s.

Dear Ravagers,
Hakuna Mattata.  It means no worries.  P.S. I can’t pronounce your names.  Qixitoxicoatlix-nix-pix…

Dear Hot Streak,
Ewe.  Gross.

Dear Lizard Kings of Lustria,
Run chicken lizards, run. Meh. They all taste the same to me.

Dear Stitches,
You are dreamy.  Sexiest Zombie chick EVER! 

Dear Da Big One,
Quit trying to pretend you are our commish.  Sheesh.
Orcs rule!
 
Dear Arryn Dragon-Hayrt,
You are A-star material.  Keep up the great work. Elves do everything better!

Dear teams of the RFBBL,
This season has started with a whimper.  There is more action behind the Quance Street Blockbuster.

Dear fans of the RFBBL,
I can’t be the only one hurling insults at these clowns.  Make some noise.

P.S. Lil’ Franny can be found in the middle stall at The Empire men’s room.  Don’t worry, Holy Smoke.  Your secret is safe with us!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 3rd, 2016
Game On!!
Welkum tu da 2516 RFBBL Zeezun. Wyf an elvy teem joyn'n der iz gunna beez zum gud stompyn. Gytz ur geerz un und zt'art play'n!
~Da Big Green 'Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva): Welcome to the 2516 RFBBL Blood Bowl Season. With an elf team joining there is going to be some good stomping. Get your gear on and start playing.
~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 23rd, 2015
Quick Updates
Hey everyone,

Just a few quick updates:

1) We are now at 16+ confirmed for the upcoming season. Keep recruiting. Let's hit 24.

2) If you have a team you can now register for the SnowBall Kick-All tournament

3) Steam is again having a sale. BB2 and BB1 (various editions are on sale). BB1 Chaos Edition at 9.00 seems like an absolute steal.

Merry Christmas everyone!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 18th, 2015
Pray for Us
“I was at the practice field the other day and saw The Children of the Damned on the field. I almost threw up. The chaos god, nurgle, is a disgrace to even chaos god’s. Foul and icky. Plague and pestilence.
Pray for us world. Pray for Regina. Pray for the RFBBL. Between this team and the possibility of a Skaven team joining our league this year, our access to clean, fresh, partially filtered Wacana sewage drinking water is in despair.

Hmmpph. And then, those "Damned Children" have the audacity to name themselves after the fine metal warlords, Iron Maiden… What is this world coming to?”

~Father Michael Hammer / Sisters of Saint Sebastian
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 15th, 2015
SnowBall Kick-All / Pre-Season Tourney
SnowBall Kick-All
Open League Pre-Season Tournament

When? January 1, 2016 Registration begins 11 AM and we expect to wrap up around 7:30 PM

Where? Tramps 1828 Scarth St (please note the store will be closed to general public that day)

Who can play? Anyone interested in the Regina Flatland Blood Bowl League (RFBBL).

Why? To play Bloodbowl and enjoy all the wonderful chaos and fun!

What team can I use? Players new to the RFBBL must register with our league to create a coach and team. Existing league members may use any created team (retired, current, or new). There are additional benefits if the team participating in this tournament is the team you will be using in the upcoming League Season (2016 year).

How much? $5 to cover cost of prizes and fun stuff

How do I join? Email Michael Parker regina.statue@gmail.com or Michael Becker mbecker@accesscomm.ca to register and get your coach and team profile set-up.

You will need to have your coach profile and your team created prior to the day of the tournament, (preferably not last minute on New Year’s Eve).

Please bring the $5 entry fee on the day of the tournament!

Food - Eat or bring a lunch and there will be the option to order in Wok Box towards supper time (Tramps may also have a concession)

Tournament Format - Matches will be entered into a specific Tournament (season) and teams will advance or be decimated as per normal league play. This means players will skill up and potentially be injured as normal. Format will be via seeded Swiss style matching. Team ratings will provide pairings for the first round.

There will be 3 rounds of tournament play utilizing match points similar to our league structure.

Tournament Prizes!!!!

1st Fully paid entry to the 2016 RFBBL year (only if you use the team you will be playing this season), 120K, +2 Fan Factor, and your choice of an additional MVP

2nd 80K and +1 Fan Factor

3rd 40K

If the team participating in this tournament is part of the upcoming League Season you will also get one of the following during your first regular season match:

a) one free team re-roll or
b) one free 100K card or
c) two free 50K cards or
d) a free apothecary/igor

See you there!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 14th, 2015
A Triumphant Return
This morning sources at the Regina Morning Follower have confirmed Zorbug’s Best Basha’s will be participating in the 2516 Season.

“Da maarig und ma ‘unymoon iz owt uv da way”, stated Zorbug. “Wez gunna wyn diz yeer.”

The Basha’s participated in the 2513 and 2514 seasons. Who can possibly forget the epic Final in 2513? It seemed the Basha’s had the game completely in hand until a last second TD by the Boogerz in regulation time.

“It is a good day for Orc fans everywhere”, exclaimed Limpit da Biskit. “If only we could convince Da Boogerz to get back again. Another all Orc final would be Gorkic!”

With only three weeks left to confirm participation we all have our fingers crossed. It is going to be a great year!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 11th, 2015
Another Day Another Coach
This afternoon The Eerty Nemegols announced Head Coach, Papa Smurf, will be stepping down from all assignments effective immediately. His replacement will be… wait for it… “Brainy” Smurf.

Let’s think about this for a minute. This will be the second Head Coach named “Brainy” in our league.

Just exactly who names their kid brainy? It makes all of us here at the Morning Follower wonder. When the parents of a child look down and see their newborn bundle of joy what twisted mind says, “Yes. “Brainy” What a perfect name!" Even more profound, however, is how all of these “brains” ended up in the RFBBL?

“I understand Papa Smurf is busy”, stated avid Halfling devotee Smiley Stumpalump. “How can he not be? Those damn ‘lings breed quicker than rabbits. Poor Smurfette. Give her a break already.”

The best part of this change is that it will inevitably lead to a bunch of dim-wit, half-baked decisions.

And speaking of Halflings, let’s be honest. What will happen when Gargamel makes his inaugural RFBBL appearance? The Cabalvision ratings will go through the roof!

On a positive note, the food selection at Mosaic Place this season should be better than ever!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 10th, 2015
Tales of Goblins, Rats, and a Wood Elf?
Yesterday, a new team announced it would be playing in the 2515 Season. Created upon the unlikely alliance between Goblins and Rats the Gooby Skabbers were seen practicing (if you can call it that ~Editor) in the field near the Dojak Correctional Centre.

No big deal right? RFBBL practices are held on a regular basis throughout this fine city.

Well you are wrong. This is a big deal.

The Skabby’s head coach looked to be none other than The Redwood Dodger’s Webby Leafblower. I have seen some brilliant disguises in my day but the twitter feeds have been going nuts. If this is indeed true, what has happened to the relatively successful Elf team hailing from the beautiful Lumsden forests? Have they packed up to head for safety upon shores of Western Europe or perhaps the smog infested cities in China?

“Webby looked awfully tired and sore today, to be honest”, stated Twitty McConway. “We always thought the black eyes were from his wife.”

Once we have more you will be the first to get it. Stay tuned.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Dec. 9th, 2015
The Road to Twenty-Four
Wez gutz sixteen teemz zo fur diz yeerz! Kun wez gutz tu twentyz-forez? Ullz dez ‘umi teemz iz gunn’z makz fur gudz ztompinz!

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva): We have sixteen teams confirmed so far this year! Can we get to twenty four? All these human teams are going to make for some great stomping!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Nov. 24th, 2015
NAF World Cup III and Pictures!
Hey everyone,

I just received a newsletter from the NAF. A short while ago the NAF World Cup III was held in Italy. And guess how many players? 912!!!!! If that isn't incredible I am not sure what is. That is almost 500 tables of Blood Bowl happening at once and in my opinion is nothing shy of amazing.

If this doesn't make GW rethink their stance on Specialist Games I don't think it will ever happen. But maybe them staying away is best for all involved.

One last thing... we added a whole bunch of pictures including some of my painted models, our coaches, our custom artwork and some photos from the 2015 All-Star Game and our first mini tournament! Check out the Pictures / Artwork tab to view.

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
June 23rd, 2015
Our First Inductees to the Hall of Fame!!
It is with great pleasure the RFBBL would like to introduce our first two Hall of Fame Inductees.

First up, from the Mighty Marvels, we have a true RFBBL fan favourite. Brock was the league’s Top Scorer two years running (2514 and 2515). He has a total of 119 Star Player points. He is the current League All Time Scorer with 29 TD’s. He was also an MVP in this year’s All-Star Game. Stan “the man” Ditka cannot be happier with Brock’s performance since joining his All-Marvel team. Like they say once you go Marvel you never go back. Brock, your dedication and commitment to Regina’s favourite sport has given you “Block”. Congratulations!

Second up, everyone’s favourite Mummy, Rash-a-ghoul has been slaughtering and maiming since he was a wee lad. Carbon-date testing to determine his true age has not yet been successful. Rash has been the RFBBL Top Killa for two years running (2514 and 2515). He has 76 Star Player points almost exclusively in Casualties (including 10 Kills). Rumour has it when Jonny Slammer found Rash he was already animated. The Wizards Conclave at the UoR still have not determined where this unnatural strength comes from. Rash, for your dedication and commitment you have been rewarded with “Juggernaut”. Congratulations!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
June 16th, 2015
2515 Player and Team Awards
After a sunny vacation in the Jungle coastlines of Lustria, your commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un has finally returned.

The 2515 season was another hard fought year with many teams in contention for the cup. Without further ado here are the awards:

Team Awards:

1st Place Championship Trophy / Flatland Cup 2515 - Pitch Privateers
- After numerous staffing, coaching, and gender changing adjustments the Pitch Privateers had another outstanding season. Posting a 89.5% win ratio it is no surprise this team is your 2515 Flatland Cup Champions.

Rumour has it this team will be retiring as Brainy Barrett has had enough. I cannot agree more - you can only take so much when it comes to Lizards. Extra MVP's go to Risky Rolando (Skink) and Violent Victor (Saurus). You also receive +1 Fame each game next year.

2nd Place Trophy - The Walkers
- Another fantastic year full of ups and down's some might say. The Walker's lost a few amazing player's but the determination of Johny Slammer persevered. Congratulations! Johny, let me know which player you wish to gain an MVP for your hard earned efforts.

3rd Place Trophy - Redwood Dodgers
- The Dodgers had a phenomenal year posting only one loss this year in the play-offs. Webby Leafblower, if I could get my head around your Druidic ways I would be a little bit proud. Your extra MVP goes to Sum-Tree (Wood Elf Catcher).

Wooden Spoon - The Eye
Gobsmack Blackheart had been away from the game for a while. A lot has changed in the world of Blood Bowl since the early 90's. Like it or not, you came, you played, you learned. Congratulations on your last place finish! Each game in 2516 you get an extra team re-roll on us!

Most Dangerous Team - The Walkers
This year the Walkers showed Regina what fear really is. With an outstanding 50-26 casualty record they were almost twice as likely to lay a hurt on your team then you could return. And remember most of those damn Undead just get up after taking a hit an Orc might need a grave for. In fact they led the league with 16 kills. Not too shabby for 14 regular season games + 3 play-off matches. Again, Johny, let me know which other player you wish to gain an MVP.

Fair Play Team - Menzoberanzan Shadowblades
Whoever said the Dark Elves don't have a soft side doesn't know a circle from a square. This year the Dark Elves dedicated their new stadium to the powers below. To the benefit of all they did so with vigor and charm. Most importantly their sacrifices came from within their own race. Congratulations on receiving 45 casualties this year (and I always thought Snotlings were squishy...). Let me know which player will gain an MVP.

Player Awards:

Top Scorer - Brock (Human Catcher) / The Mighty Marvels
Brock is in the race to potentially become one of the first player's to enter the RFBBL Hall of Fame. He closed this year with a lifetime achievement of 119 Star Player Points. This year Brock claimed 11 regular season TD's. It is Brock's second consecutive year winning the Top Scorer award. I'd give you the Fan Favourite skill but you already have it. Congratulations. Venom would be proud!

Top Cruncha - tie - Violent Victor (Saurus) / Pitch Privateers and Mowe 'Zee (Ogre) / Berta'z 'Ballet' Beyb'z
This year 2 player's were able to inflict a whopping 12 casualties during the regular season. You both are scary and dangerous. I like that. Both players gain the Fan Favourite skill.

Top Killa - Rash-a-ghoul (Mummy) / The Walkers
With 5 regular season kills it is no wonder The Walkers had such a great season. Leading the charge with a solid one, two slam Rash is a force of nature. Experience does matter kids. This is Rash-a-ghoul's second consecutive Top Killa Award. Congratulations! Rash gains another MVP.

Top Thrower - Johnny E (Human Thrower) / Orange Bronco Crushers
I am not sure if this guy is sane to be honest. When he gets the ball he tosses it. Immediately. It is like an addiction. This year Johnny threw 39 completions with an all time completion record of 71. A few more years at this pace and he will easily make the Hall of Fame. Johnny gains an extra MVP.

Season MVP - Nawt 'eely 'Ung (Snotling) / Berta'z 'Ballet' Beyb'z
OK... well maybe he isn't the REAL MVP. But he has a great name. We all aspire to be bigger than we are.

This being said, here is the real MVP - Zezal Torlyl (Witch Elf) / Menzoberanzan Shadowblades
The Shadowblades had a really solid year in 2515 and none was more important than Zezal Torlyl. Witch Elf's make me cringe at the best of times and this gal makes Medusa look like a Black Panther. For winning the Season MVP your team gains 60K to throw a shaker.
Congratulations on a stellar year! The Pile of Bones division will need all the help they can get at next year's All Star Game.

A few other notes:
Most MVP's - Xenagoro the Keeper (Kroxigor) / Kings of Lustria
The MVP selection committee really took a liking to this over-sized lump of Lizard. 5 MVP's over one season is kind of ridiculous. We will have to investigate things in the off season.

Most Interceptions - Staminilin Poplar (Wood Elf Catcher) / Redwood Dodgers
There is no denying Wood Elves can catch a pigskin. Three interceptions for the year is quite a feat.

Top Offensive Player - Johnny E (Human Thrower) / Orange Bronco Crushers
I guess a good quarterback makes for a great offense. Congrats again Johnny!

Top Defensive Player - Mowe 'Zee (Ogre) / Berta'z 'Ballet' Beyb'z
In the regular season this lump of muscle in pink leotards had everyone running. If a good quarterback makes for a great offense an Ogre in pink makes a better defense.

Congratulations to all of our winners!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 10th, 2015
Last Chance - Get it Done!
Da Play-ovz st’rt un Zunday. Gitz ur gaam’z yn!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 8th, 2015
EXTRA EXTRA.. Read All About It!
http://www.reginaflatland.bloodbowlleagu...

Hey... Don't blame me. This was submitted to the Regina Morning Follower via Brainy Barrett.

He (it) insisted we share.

~Burnt Cookies / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 1st, 2015
Closure of the RFBBL?
Hi everyone,

It seems GW has finally brought out their muscles.

The RFBBL (likely, due to its popularity of course) has been given a cease and desist letter to stop operations asap. We have until end of May to comply.

They have stated Berta'z 'Ballet' Beyb'z are a disgrace to Blood Bowl enthusiasts everywhere. But they do like the artwork and player names.

I think that statement is wrong. Lizards are the true disgrace. But I digress.

Get your games in quick guys. I don't look forward to manual administration of a Blood Bowl League.

(kidding - Happy April Fool's Day!)

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 12th, 2015
New Streaks?
Congratulations to Brainy Barrett (formerly Carnage Clayton) of the Pitch Privateers (formerly the Desert Dragons) on your new accomplishments.

It seems you have _urm_ finally de-throned Da Black Crag Boogerz with the longest undefeated run in RFBBL history. And at the same time you have also taken the longest Win streak as well.

I believe you also have the longest skid... oops... I wasn't supposed to say that.

Congratulations to your staff and organization. It only took you two and a half-seasons to get there. But, I am sure your fans still love you just the same!

Also, did you happen to see that match last night? Brick Wall Brad, of The Orange Bronco Crushers, took out not one, not two, not three, but four Darkies?

I hope that wasn't an error by the in-game score-keepers. We have heard grumblings the Score-Keepers guild want to launch an Unionized Strike if things don't change.

The bribes the RFBBL Caches have been offered as of late are way under the national average.

Aye Carumba.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 11th, 2015
Green Day.. well kinda?
Hey everyone,

It is St. Patrick's Day once more on the 17th of March..

If you have a match that day the following rules apply:

1) Any player in the Reserves Box may be sipping when the coach isn't looking. Player's are only eligible for a drive if they roll a 2-6 on a d6. On a "1" they are too concerned with the booze and cannot enter the field.

2) All the ale is making the boys head strong and bullet proof. Player's will recover from a KO on a 3, 4, 5 or 6.

Happy Green Day everyone!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 10th, 2015
Star Player Compensation
Dear Lord Bulworth, the Unfathomable,

I have recccceived your applicccccation for cccccompensation regarding the non-performanccccce of Star Player Slibli in your last matcccch vs. The Mighty Marvels.

I have discccccussed this issue at length with League CCCCCommissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un.” Here is his reply, “Lord Bul’wurdz I’z gutz ur reekw’zt fur kump’n’z’azyn. Yf yuz wud ‘yr u Ztar lyk Morg wez kud tok. Butz wen u’z gytz dez Lyzurdz der yz nutt’n wez kun do. Lyzurdz zuk. U zhud no dat by n’ow. Yuz kree’at’d da dam thyngz nut? Nyxt yeer koach u reel teem n u wyll bee much ‘appy’r.”

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):, “Lord Bulworth, I received your request for compensation. If you would hire a player like Morg we could talk. But when you get Lizards there is nothing we can do. Lizards suck. You should know that by now. You created the damn things didn’t you? Next year coach a real team and you will be much happier.”

This being said, I am sorry to inform you that your request has been decccccclined. Also, please note, as in Docccccument 12, 347.2 Seccccction D, Appendix 24, an appeal to the League Ombudsman requires a downpayment of 200K Ccccccrowns.

Sincccccerely,
Snikkkkkity Gittergutz, Skkkkk kkkkaven treasurer, Regina Flatland Blood Bowl League
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 2nd, 2015
What a Game!
The 2515 All-Star Game is in the books and what a game it was.

For the first time in league history the Wascana Wastelanders managed to hovel together a win over their arch-rivals The Pile of Bones.

A relatively easy mid-game TD by Brock from the Mighty Marvels gave the Wascana Wastelanders the first point.

“Our plan worked pretty flawlessly on that play”, stated Brock. “The boys on the line fell to the ground drawing the Pile of Bones players out of position. They are all a bunch of Bloodthirsters. As soon as they can smell a foul or first blood those boneheads would swarm up-field. Within seconds we were past their safety open for a score.”

In the final few seconds of the first half Menzoberranzan Shadowblades Blitzer, Rurri Nightmask was clear to tie up the game. Seeking fame and glory he decided to do a flip just inches from the end zone. He just needed to make a bit of an effort to clear the end zone before time expired.

“I would give the flip a 7 out of ten in terms of style and technical ability”, stated Zepora Lunglicker from the CBC. “But that landing must have hurt something awful. I think that moment will be on the highlight reels for years!”

Despite fending off the hard crunching style of the Pile of Bones things began to break loose in the second half.

“The Wastelanders were literally dropping like flies,” stated League Veteran Rash-a-ghoul of The Walkers. “I have spent many a mortal lifetime working towards complete blocking perfection. You all would be wise to study my technique well.”

Flies indeed. The Pile of Bones raked up a whooping six casualties binging out four apothecaries during the game.

In the second half the Pile of Bones were able to cage up and leisurely make their way down the pitch.

“It almost seemed as the Wastelanders took pity on them. Only those pesky, galling toad humans tried to help. In fact, the way the rest of the team failed to rush the ball was quite odd to be honest.”, remarked Gina Spleena. “Brassclaw still has the moves it seems. Another game, another Touchdown!”

With only minutes remaining in the game the Wastelanders tried to rush the offence. But disaster struck. Rash-a-ghoul noticed one of his bandages was loose. As this is a PG newspaper we cannot even disclose what happened next. All I can tell you is that the Wastelanders froze. It is like they forgot what they were doing.

"Dat ploy didn't phase me", stated Orange Bronco Crusher Ogre, Road Kill Master.

As time ran out the refs allowed an additional ten minutes of play instead of forming up for another kick-off.

Redwood Dodger Catcher, Fuir Cedar went down the sidelines deep into the offensive zone. He caught a perfect pass from Pin Pointe.

"I was a bit worried to be honest." stated last year's season MVP, Clyde Crabtree. "Pin Pointe suffered a nasty blow to the head earlier in the game. Those humans don't have 'ard skulls like us Dwarves."

Most of the Pile of Bones players were out of position. In rushed Sharpe Shane to stop him. Brassclaw Crapslappa saw his opportunity. All he had to do was skirt one opponent and go in for the tackle.

“I still cannot tell if he was trying to show off or if he really did trip in his attempt at the blitz,” stated The Kings of Lustria coach The Great Old One. “Perhaps I mentally distracted him somehow?”

“It really felt good to get that winning TD!” stated Redwood Dodgers Catcher, Fuir Cedar. “We all knew we had the better team this year. All that would matter for us was quenching our inter-racial and inter-team rivalries. And despite a pretty woody practice session a few days ago we managed to rise to the occasion.”

With only a few minutes left in overtime the Pile of Bones went for their top secret back-up plan. Mowe ‘Zee would grab star Snotling Gitchee Gitchee Gitch and toss him down the field. But the toss failed with a fumble and thus ended hopes of Pile of Bones fans everywhere.

It is rumoured fans of both the Pitch Privateers and the Menzoberranzan Shadowblades are furious and ready to bring their support to another team.

“I cannot believe both teams sent their junk instead of their best.” It makes me want to follow The Eye I tell ya”, quipped former player Demented Dominick. “Heck, if Gobsmacker makes me a good enough offer maybe I will pull myself out of retirement for a few more games.”

It has also been rumoured both Berta and The Great Old One were passed wads of cash after the match. We are not sure what that was about yet, but you can be sure your Regina Morning Follower will give you the scoop as soon as we have more details.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 1st, 2015
13 Hours to Go
The excitement continues to build as the final hours wind down before the 2515 All-Star Game.

"The Oddsmakers are reeling", stated Vinny LeHoof. "They thought the Pile of Bones division would have this game in the bag, but after seeing the final rosters they are not so sure."

Once again the Desert Dragons (urm.. Pitch Privateers) have sent their fresh recruits instead of their seasoned Veterans. To add insult to injury the Menzoberanzan Shadowblades didn't provide much better. In fact, they even sent injured Blitzer, Rurri Nightmask. He hasn't been able to pick up a ball yet this season. In fact some say he has the agility of a Human not a Dark Elf.

"It is time for this league to switch to a formal voting system like they do in Major League Baseball", harped Slinky Skinky. "If you leave the picks to a coach like Brainy Barrett you are just asking for trouble."

The seats have been sold and the scalpers are expecting to make a fortune. The weather is expected to be a balmy -10 degree Celsius. But as anyone from Saskatchewan knows the weather can turn on a dime.

The pre-game show starts at 1:30 and the kick off is expected around 2:30 (5pm in Newfoundland). Coverage will be live on the Canadian Broad-kaster Cyndicate (CBC).

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 24th, 2015
Bring Back the Fouls Please
RFBBL League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un, held a press conference earlier this afternoon.

“We’z no lung’r gyv’n u reewurd fyr, urm.. no fowlz.”

After receiving almost 20,000 letters from disgruntled fans the league had no choice but to act. That is almost a better response than the last election. Regina does indeed care about its Blood Bowl!

“Fouling is as essential to Blood Bowl as the original text”, stated Ghuvy Bigtale. “How dare a League as small as the RFBBL try to discourage such a fabulous part of the game? If I was a bit taller I would tell Da Big Green ‘Un this to his face.”

Regardless of your stance on fouling (the law of NUFFLE states it is not allowed) the All-Star Game this Sunday is going to be a damn fine match. Rumour has it the top player’s in the league will be in attendance unlike the pathetic selection last year.

According to Vegas, people believe the Pile of Bones division will continue their winning tradition. Odds are hovering around 75% in favour of the 'bad' guys.

We look forward to seeing you Sunday. If you don't have tickets yet you better get your butt in gear. Only a handful are still available from the box office.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 23rd, 2015
Bullying is Wrong
Iz gutz dyz nowt frum Berta diz m’rn’n. Pweez paz itz awn…

“Lazt nyt tuu wee wytl snottyz wuz kyl’d by dem nazty ‘umiez, “da Myty Mowzez”. Wee ull noz Brock iz kynda wuzzy n zkrawnyz, butz dey need tu pyk un zum’un der oon ziz. Wez ull noz bully’ng ‘iz frum u lak uv luv. Ur maybez frum ull dem zteroydz n ztuv. Fyrst dey pyk un snottyz butz wutz next? Gobboz den skynkz den elfyz n ‘umiez (ezpyz'lly dem katchr'z). Itz wunt ztup peeplz. Dey needz a gud ‘itt’n zu dey kun takz u fuu deyz uvv. Den dey kun fynk ubowt de ‘rryr uv der weyz Tuu pok'd Iz du mayk u ryt dey zey.

Zynceerlyz,
Mrs. Zyg Zag Zyg und Mrs. Gon’chee Gonch (wydow'd)

~Da Big Green ‘Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

I got this note from Berta this morning. Please pass it on.

“Last night two wee little snotlings were killed by the nasty Humans, “The Mighty Mouse’s”. We all know Brock is kind of wussy and scrawny but they need to pick on someone their own size. We all know bullying stems from a lack of love. Or maybe it is from all the steroids and stuff. First they will pick on snotlings but what comes next? Goblins, skinks, elves, even other humans (especially the catchers). It won’t stop people. They need a good hitting so they can take a few days off. Then they can think about the error of their ways. Two poked eyes do make a right they say.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Zyg Zag Zyg and Mrs. Gon’chee Gonch (widows)
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 17th, 2015
Git Yur Ztuff Toogyv'r!
Iz watch’d da gamz beetween da kweenz uv Wustya n da Eye lazt nyt. Sk’orchyng ‘eet wuz awfyl. Und de wey de Orkz wuz gittyn tuz’d awownd wuz ‘rrybl.

Demz Ogrez n Orkz betyr gitz der ztuff yn ordyr zoon. My yz kaynt taak m’uch moor. Atz leezt Berta gyv’z uz zumtyng tu wuk ut, pwayz Mork!!

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

Get Your Stuff Together!

I watched the game between the Queens (editor’s note: Kings) of Lustria and the Eye last night. The scorching heat was awful. And the way the Orcs were getting tossed around was horrible.

The Ogres and the Orcs better get their stuff in order soon. My eyes cannot take much more. At least Berta gives us something to look at, praise Mork!

~Da Big Green ‘Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 12th, 2015
The Day of Luver'z
Itz Febuwury und dat meenz unuv’r Valyntynz Day iz ‘ere. Itz un a Zaturday diz yeer. Zum ‘ardkor koach’z ur gunna gytz u match inz beefur da Byg Nyt. Tu cewebwatz dyz data git a pak uv kardz. Eech kowch kun invuk da eev’nt beefur der tyrn.

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

Well another February and that means another Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching. As it is a Saturday this year some unscrupulous coaches may try to sneak in a morning or afternoon game before the “Big Night”. To celebrate this romantic day get a pack of cards and pull out an Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Or pull out two of each if you want. It doesn’t matter really. Each coach draws one card face down from the pile. They can then invoke this special event at the start of their turn (or before any Kick-Off if you get a “5”).

Happyz Dayz uv Luv ev’ry’unz!

~Da Big Green 'Un

-----------------

Valentine’s Day Chart (use cards Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Must declare use at the start of your turn only.

1. Young Lust: One player not holding the ball on the opposing team, as nominated by the player activating this result, has developed “googly eyes” for either a cheerleader or a fan in the crowd. This player may not take any action during their next turn as they are smitten by "passion and lust".

2.I Knew I Forgot Something..: One player not holding the ball on either team, as nominated by the player who rolled this result, notices a vendor selling roses. As this player forgot to buy his “luver” a Valentine’s Gift the player springs into action. The coach of this player must move the player to a sideline space (not in an end zone, however). The player also gains stand firm and side-step until they are next activated with any action.

3.Cupid’s Arrow: A deranged loony in the crowd thinks he is “Cupid”. The loony pulls out his flimsy bow and plastic arrow (dipped in a special lurve potion) and aims it at a player on either team not holding the ball, as chosen by the player initiating this event. The coach of this player must immediately nominate a target from the other team (in the same half of the pitch as this player, also not holding the ball). The player runs up to their “luver” ignoring tackle zones. The player then jumps on the opponent, giving him a big smooch, and then wrestles both players to the ground (no injury roll required).

4.Pre-Game Chocolates: One player on your team has been offered a box of Valentine’s chocolates from a cute fan. Nominate which player will receive one of the below upgrades.

a.For the rest of this turn the player has Dauntless. If the player already has Dauntless they instead gain Mighty Blow. If the player has both skills there is no effect.

b.For the rest of this turn the player gains the Sprint skill. If the player already has Sprint they instead gain Sure Feet. If the player has Sprint and Sure Feet there is no effect.

c.For the rest of this turn the player gains Hail Mary Pass. If they already have Hail Mary Pass they instead gain Strong Arm. If the player has both Hail Mary Pass and Strong Arm there is no effect.

5.Secret Affair: One player (or perhaps the coach) of your team has been having a secret relationship with one of the Cheerleaders. Instead of rolling 2d6 on the Kick-Off Chart the player may choose the Cheering Fans result. Roll 1d6. On a 2 – 6 you win the result ignoring the usual die roll and modifiers. This Cheerleader’s explosive routine stuns the stadium. On a “1” the other team gains the re-roll. The Cheerleader is upset with her “lover” for some unknown reason and the effort is less than inspired.

6.Secret Crush: You may play this result after a player on your team has been knocked down using the block dice. The result automatically becomes a “2” on this result may not be re-rolled. The hitting player pulls his punch as to not hurt the true object of his “affection”.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 10th, 2015
Timber For Sale!
The epic game on Monday, Feb 9, 2515, between the Redwood Dodgers and The Walkers, will be recorded in the annuls of the Regina Flatland Blood Bowl League history.

In a tragic string of events not one, not two, but three deaths of intense magnitude will forever change the fate of the league.

Deciduon Teek, the highly skilled Wardancer, passed after a violent ploy engineered by The Walkers. Some gits from the stands yelled, “Timber”. Teek turned around to see what was happening. In the next second he was on the ground lifeless. To add insult to injury, not even five seconds later, Woody Footrot (a Treeman) was felled. Timber indeed.

“It isn’t too often you see a tree fall on a Blood Bowl field”, stated Grungy Grunga Grunge from Belle Plane. “There is no longer any doubt in my mind that a tree which falls in the forest is sure as heck NOT silent.”

In retaliation, the Wood Elves ganged up on Leaky and tore his Ghoulish pieces to shreds. Leaky was the 2513 Season MVP and the league’s most experienced player.

Rumour has it both Leaky and Teek had bounties placed on them.

“Da unly peepl whu gitz rych frum da bowntyz iz da mafya,” stated League Commissioner Da Big Green ‘Un. “Deez bowntyz needz tu STAWP. Ur purhupz wez kan tax da bowntyz inzted.”

An emergency conference was held by RFBBL officials this morning. In order to curb the blatant fouling and unsportsmanlike conduct the League will give a 10K bonus to any team which does not foul in each match from now until midnight Feb 21. The strain on life insurance is again pushing the League into disarray.

“Although our books are a mess, it’s not near as bad as last year. All those damn dead Goblins almost caused us to become bankrupt. In fact, an investigation has been launched, claiming da Rottin’ Eye Raiderz head coach, Verm Gombardi, had actually been putting Life Insurance policies on his players with him as the sole beneficiary,” stated Gimlock Heineklickin, Chief League Investigator.

No wonder he is nowhere to be found.

It is expected their will be a mass migration of Wood Elves and Ents from both Cypress Hills and the Northern Region to attend the funerals later this week. But Teek’s body has been missing since this morning. If it hasn’t been found before Thursday I am sure their will be a peaceful protest of some sort.

In another note, to further prove the Gods of Chaos were out in full force last night, The Orange Bronco Crushers won their second EVER match handily defeating The Turunga Meeple Leafs 3 – nil. In fact, Comes Duh Boom (the league's top bruiser) was seriously injured as well.

It is shaping up to be a crazy year people. Hang onto your seats and enjoy the ride!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 3rd, 2015
'Ere we Go, 'Ere we Go!
Three days ago, RFBBL League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un, made an announcement he would be letting another team play in the 2515 Flatland Cup. This brings the league up to twelve teams for the year.

“U kant’z turnz down dem gud ‘ol Orc boyz ya no,” stated the commissioner.

Going by the original name “The Eye” and led by none other than Gobsmack Blackheart everyone will be scrambling to view their next game this week. Sauron would be pleased!

Gobsmack was a grizzled veteran in the Old Vancouver League back in the late 80’s / early 90’s. But a lot has changed since then. The Eye will have some work ahead to replicate Da Black Crag Boogerz win streak from 2513. Let's not also forget the Early Season is almost half over.

This season would have been the first time the league didn’t include an Orc or Goblin team. Da Black Crag Boogerz, Zorbug’s Best Basha’s, Da New Orc Orda, and da Rottin’ Eye Raiderz decided to take the year off. The legions of Regina Orc and Gobbo loyalists were going crazy. Well, let's cut to the chase, they are crazy at the best of times. Rallying behind a good, solid Greenskin force should help.

“It zuk’d. We’z wuz loz’t,” stated Gremlin the Giblet, a member of the Royal Order of Greenion, from Ezter’breezee.

In an exclusive conference via Pod-Kast-a-Vision (TM) Zorbug stated, “We kan’t cheerz fur da lizzee’z. Dat’z juzt zyk. Un, und unuver, und unuver (Editor’s note: that is 3 in Orcish) lizzee teemz n da leeg? Da Big Green ‘Un iz gonna getz kyll’d. 'Ee'z weely mayd u mezz diz tym.”

Despite the debates of which green is best, things are shaping up to be a great year.

Will the Walkers be able to defend their title? Will the Orange Bronco Crushers win another Wooden Spoon or will The Turunga Meeple Leafs fumble their way to the bottom?

And let’s not forget both The Desert Dragons (err… I mean Pitch Privateers) and the Redwood Dodgers are on fire again. Well figuratively I guess. Unless you have some grandeur idea’s, of course!

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 27th, 2015
Kooteez??
Gweet’ngz. Itz been bwowt tu my uttynt’n dat’z Kooteez yz ‘ere n Regina. Dat’z dyzguzt’ng I zay’z. Wyth ull da grabyn yn Blud Buwl tyng’z r dangyruz.

Yfz uny’unz noz hu ztyrt’d dyz Kooteez ztufz zturt’d zynd mee un nutz ryt uwuyz.

Du gud newz iz u dunt’z needz un pryzkrypt’n fur yt. Juzt gytz tu Zhuppyr’z Dwug Murtz n gytz ur Kooteez Kwym. Pwayz Gork n Mork!

Ztuyz kween n kwazzy urv’ry’unz.

~Da Big Green 'Un

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):

Greetings. It has been brought to my attention that Cooties are here in Regina. That is disgusting I say. With all the grabbing in Blood Bowl things are dangerous.

If anyone knows how this Coottie stuff started send me a note right away.

The good news is you don’t need a prescription for it. Just get over to Shoppers Drug Mart and get your Cootie Crème. Praise Gork and Mork.

Stay clean and classy everyone.

~Da Big Green 'Un

------------------
(In game rules: For any remaining games this week anyone can add “1 or 2” points to a player’s knock out roll. If you do so the player has been infected with Cooties. A natural roll of “1” still fails. All that scratching and itching brings the player out of their knocked out state. If a player is infected with Cootties they must roll a d6 during activation. If you roll a 1 the player spends the turn scratching and may not do anything further this turn. They no longer have a tackle zone as well (similar to someone who has been affected by the Bone Head rule). If a player uses this rule more than once in a game they have been super infected. A roll of 1-3 causes “scratching” instead.)
------------------
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 19th, 2015
Ask Lord Borak (Part 4)
Dear Lord Borak,

Recently I read a comment from Stan “the man” Ditka regarding proposed changes to Blood Bowl rules which align more to the Canadian style of football. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Sincerely,
Ronald E Lang Kashsta

Ronnie, thanks for your note today. I was going to comment on this Canadian stuff but now you have given me a reason.

As we are all aware the Canadian Football League (CFL) is a bit of a beast. They have longer fields and less time to “make it”. There is more passing and I am not talking gas here bud.

Different stadiums do indeed have different fields. I am not sure you are aware, but the Storm Giant fields of old were a sight indeed. Some teams would take ½ a day just to make a few paces.

Although I agree more players on the pitch would be a good thing the laws of NUFfle are a fickle lady. Many years ago, probably before you were born Ronnie, Blood Bowl was a different animal. Did you know that players could be replaced as the game was in progress? Yes, my friend, yes… Coaches did not need to wait for a TD or half-time. If someone was knocked out or injured you would send an immediate replacement up the Astrogranite ™ steps. Having a full roster of 16 players was power. Power. What a great word.

In fact, before 2482 there wasn’t even a player roster limit. After 700+ Halflings had died in one match vs. the Asgard Ravens they made a wee small change to the bench rules.

Cost-cutting is really hurting this game. In the old days we didn’t care about “inducements”. All this nonsense of journeymen and mercenaries is a load of dung. If a team only had 3 Halflings to start a match they still played. And they got slaughtered. And let me tell you Ronnie - we all loved it.

Although Blood Bowl is currently the cheapest form of professional sporting events I don’t think the game should be any shorter. I mean the slim number of fans we do have often travel a long way just to get to the game. Not everyone has a Mumak or Slaanesh chariot ya know. And the cold this time of the year could even freeze a Humble Bumble.

To be honest I think Blood Baseball or Blood Basketball or hell… Blood anything might be a lot of fun. Except Blood Soccer that is. If a “soccer” player gets a tap on their shin guarded shin they roll around for a few days. Wussies indeed. In fact I have a few better names than Wussie but we will keep things PG today.

Well, I could ramble on but I have harems to attend and wars to command..

Sincerely,
Lord Borak
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 17th, 2015
Bank Rule Should be Working
Hey everyone,

The bank rule should be setup correctly now. There will no longer be a need to do a manual calculation before a match. Remember anything over 200K in your Treasury counts towards Team Value.

Have a great weekend.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 16th, 2015
I Like It!
Well folks - Season III (2515) has started and we have had some doozies already.

But before we get into what's new let's have a round of applause for those Undead! Despite a Dwarven Deathroller that the ref's REFUSED to take off the field they managed to pull things out. Congratulations to the Slammer family for a job well done.

Back to this season - three games and exactly three kills. The fans are as pumped as you can expect.

A few quick notes:

Not one, not two, but three cold-blooded teams this year? What is this world coming too? Welcome The Galling Tyranny of Time, Space, and a bunch of other nonsense. For short we are going to call these toads Galling. And then a Great Old One decides to bring up some more Lizards from Lustria. He has the nerve to call himself king. But we all know the Big Green 'Un is the real king of the greenies.

The Desert Dragons have again decided to change their name. Go figure. One day they are boy people. The next day girl people. One day they are dragons the next they are Privateers? I mean what kind of retarded nonsense name is that? Pitch Privateers. "Ship 'em to a different league", stated Morgul Manstuff. I think most of us would agree.

After a bunch of talk of a rat team and a vampire team I guess they couldn't quite get their stuff together. It's too bad. Regina could use a few more dead rats. And Vamps... well perhaps they can at least attract a few cutie's to our games. It isn't fair the Roughriders have all the fun.

The bank rule is being tweaked as we speak. Once everything is working correctly it will go into full effect (thanks Casper) and manual tracking should no longer be necessary before a game.

And how can I forget? Another late addition to this year has just been announced. Yes, folks, this is a team which is right up Regina's alley. They are big and tough and rough (well the Ogres are anyways). Yup - the famous Ogre's - Berta'z 'Ballet' Beyb'z. I mean this team is the real deal people. It should be carnage extrordinaire!

Will the Walker's be able to defend their title? Will the Redwood Dodger's win the season and trade their cleats for flower gardening? Will the Orange Bronco Crushers repeat the dismal performance they did last year? It's anyone guess.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 4th, 2015
Season III Coming to a Theatre Near You!
Get ready, get set... 2515 here we come!

Season III (2515) is just around the corner. Coaches meeting will be Thursday, January 8 at the German Club 7pm. If you are interested in joining please attend.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
May 19th, 2014
And That's a Wrap
I just wanted to thank everyone for another fantastic Blood Bowl Season.

Here are the Player and Team Awards:

Team Awards:

Championship Trophy - The Walkers
Silver Trophy - Misty Mountain Revengers
Bronze Trophy - The Mighty Marvels

Wooden Spoon - Orange Bronco Crushers (7.1% win ratio)
Most Dangerous Team - Brimztone Zlay'erz (+39 casualties)
Fair Play Team - da Rottin' Eye Raiderz (-53 casualties)

Player Awards:

Top Scorer (14 TD's) Brock / The Mighty Marvels

Top Cruncha (15 Casualties) Comes duh Boom / Turunga Meeple Leafs

Top Killa (4 Kills) Rash-a-ghoul / The Walkers

Top Thrower (38 Completions) Erik (RIP) / The Mighty Marvels

Season MVP (54 SPP's) Clyde Crabtree / The Misty Mountain Revengers

Congratulations to our Season Winner - The Walkers!!

I very much look forward to seeing you all again in December or January).

Michael
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 30th, 2014
Assassination Attempts?
In a highly controversial move, RFBBL Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, has stated any teams which did not play at least four games early season and four games late season will be disqualified from the play-offs.

"Dez rulz wuz dizkuz'd in da koachz meetyng at da begyn'ng uv da zeezun. Und da teemz juzt gutz lazy", stated the Commissioner.

This means our reptilian League Leaders, The Desert Dragons with an outstanding season (12-3-1) are eliminated. They earned 55 points this year.

It also means the much beloved and nimble Wood Elf team, The Redwood Dodgers, with a season of 11-1-2 (48 points) are out.

Most surprisingly, however, it also eliminates our second point team, the Commissioners own, Brimztone Zlay'erz. They had a tough early go but turned the ship around to a 9-3-7 (49 points).

In disgust the Desert Dragon head coach, Tegu Lizdry, has quit. Some sources indicated he was fired but we have not been able to find the cold-blooded fiend. Hopefully he will stay away from his old Rogaine mates. But that should be easy unless he volunteers to hit the city cells.

"It seems the whole province of Saskatchewan is in mourning yet again this morning. This year has gone from one mess to another." stated Granna Kinklenardz, an Orange Bronco Crusher season ticket holder.

A mess indeed especially for fans of the Crushers. It is expected they are a lock for the yearly Wooden Spoon Award.

We have no return contenders. The Sons of Woden have been absent as they have been called to duty in Ontario for pillaging, trading, and general operations. The Menzoberanzan Shadowblades had a short season as they were trying to find a new home stadium. And last year's runner up to the Flatland Cup, Zorbug's Best Basha's were too busy waging war Warhammer style.

"We have only five eligible teams who made the post-season. I can understand The Walkers and The Mighty Marvels making the cut but the others? What a load of fungus. I mean we have the Misty Mountain Revengers with a 5-6-12 record (21.7% win ratio), da Rottin' Eye Raiderz (17.6% win ratio) and The Turunga Meeple Leafs (21.4% win ratio). This is absurd." exclaimed Rutgut Swilhelm, lead economist for the National Viking Society.

"I think the Dragons, the Dodgers, the Zlay'erz, and perhaps the Slammin Salmon's should just do their own thing and create a new trophy or league or whatever", said Stumpy Blackheart, a Chaos Dwarf from Moose Jaw.

Gizmo Hurtenbach from Winnipeg stated this on our hotline, "I hope Da Big Green Un' gets what is coming to him. He deserves nothing shy of a knife. How come a Black Orc is in charge of anything is beyond me."

With only five teams in the 2514 Play-offs it is certainly bound to become the Season of Controversy. But really, in the realm of Blood Bowl, is anything truly surprising?

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 26th, 2014
Welcome Back Verm?
Breaking News:

After a month long search, da Rottin' Eye Raiderz Head Coach, Verm Gombardi, has been found.

Late last night Regina City Police swarmed the penthouse suite at the Hotel Saskatchewan. After a four hour standoff Princess Patti Big Bawlz was taken by force.

"It was apparent she wasn't going to open the door anyday soon so we had to make our move", said Special Forces Officer Grim Mcnutty. "We broke down the door and had sixteen officers (according to Nuffle) storm in with pepper spray and silly gas. Thankfully only thirteen of our crew sustained serious injuries. That wasn't even as many casualties as that match between The Turunga Meeple Leafs and da Raiderz the other night."

Princess Patti had been reportedly living the high life this past month. She had been seen nightly at Casino Regina spending loads of counterfeit money.

"The dough she was putting on the tables didn't smell right", commented Sask Gaming CEO, Billy "Eagle Eye" Swindler. "It had a fresh minty peppermint smell. It didn't take us long to put two and three together to make six."

Patti had been laundering the money via the free services offered long term guests by the Hotel Saskatchewan. The treasury of the Raiderz has been steadily and rapidly decreasing since her take-over of the Goblin Organization earlier this month.

Bertha Bedchamber, head of Hotel Sask. housecleaning commented, "Every night she asked me to do this special load of laundry. It was in a black lingerie bag and she asked for this special detergent to be used instead of the normal Tidy we use. The laundry bag ripped slightly and inside were all these bills. Ok. No, it didn't rip... I just wanted to peek at her lingerie cause she is just my size right...? Ooops. I didn't say that did I?"

"The room was an absolute disaster", stated McNutty. "Whips and chains, feathers, and a bunch of leather everywhere. And strewn out on the bed with only his codpiece was poor ol' Verm."

Two other accomplices, both former RFBBL players, were also taken in the raid. "We have charged Clever Clive (Desert Dragons) and Goblin Joe (da Rottin' Eye Raiderz) for participating in a lewd crimanal act, posession of Crack Rogaine over 1 kg, and conduct not becoming a former RFBBL player."

"Und ev'ryun sad itz wuz uz", said League Commissioner Da Big Green 'Un. "Id stryp dem tu gitz uv der tytlz butz dey dunt huv anyz."

It is expected Patti will have her first hearing at Provincial Court Thursday morning. It is also expected she will post bail immediately.

"We can't have ladies like this in our jails. She will eat us out of house and home", stated Judge Skinny Mulminny.

Chief Prosecuter, Jelly Hamstring, expects her bail will be posted at an outlandish rate of a Tim Hortons triple-triple and nine jelly donuts.

"We can't really post her bail via cash cause we already know it is fake", stated Hamstring.

In the interim, nobody is really sure what might happen next. Will Verm return to da Raiderz head position or will he take a much needed vacation?

For all of your latest news, sports and weather keep it locked to our 24 HR newsroom.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 18th, 2014
Ask Lord Borak (Part 2)
Dear Lord Borak,

Earlier this evening I read a pamphlet from Carnage Clayton, Head Coach of The Desert Dragons, stating Bull Centaurs are a threat to humanity. Basically, he said humans could potentially be infected with Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy. We shouldn't eat the meat and should also destroy the carcass completely. Is this really true? BSE sounds mighty terrifying if you ask me.

Sincerely,
Stan-dard - former Human Lineman / Turunga Meeple Leafs

Stan-dard, as always, my good friend, when you have a question as complicated as this one it pays to go to the top.

As an elite member of the Chaos community I have had the pleasure of visiting the Tower of Zharr-Nagrund and the most terrifying splendor known as the Temple of Hashut. The temple is guarded by Bull Centaurs which were mutated from Chaos Dwarfs long, long ago.

To most simple human folk their rituals are well... let's say unorthodox. But that is another story.

So instead let's put things into perspective.

First of all, these pamphlets were created by Carnage Clayton. Herr Clayton is on his tippy toes these days. Very few people know he was part of the Crack Rogaine ring which recently has landed his old buddy Tegu Lizdry in the slammer. Oops. I guess the cat is out of the bag..

Now we all know Lizards are somewhat jealous of us warm-blooded creations. We don't need to retreat to caverns every winter to barely stay alive. They must be very aware of the weather situation, whereas we can just put up an umbrella. A sudden blast of cold winter air can stop them dead.

If you look up the Wikipedia entry for BSE you will quickly realize this is simple plagiarism. I don't think we need a genetic engineer indeed..

BSE refers to Mad Cow disease. I don't know about you but the last time I looked at a Bull Centaur it was a wee bit different than your Stan-dard Bovine.

Stan-dard, I am pretty sure you wouldn't eat a Dwarf. Which means you wouldn't likely be chomping on a Chaos Dwarf. Therefore, logically, even if you had the best Halfling chef this side of the World Edge Mountains doing the prep you still probably wouldn't eat a tough, muscled Bull Centaur.

Let me make this simple. Cows need food. Most cows eat grass and other vegetable type stuff. But a few sick, twisted Lizards have fed them animal protein and only Hashut himself knows what else. And when a human eats that poor cow it's gonna make them really sick.

This little propaganda stint reminds me of something my old pal Bruce Dickinson sings,

Fear of the dark,
fear of the dark
I have constant fear that something's always near
Fear of the dark,
fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's always there

There is no need to be scared of the unknown. Knowledge is indeed power.

Stan-dard do both of us a favour and leave the Bull Centaurs off the menu.

Sincerely,
Lord Borak

(By the way, all this talk of steak is making me hungry. I am off to Memories to treat myself to a non-BSE Filet Mignon! Feel free to drop by and say hi if you wish!)
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 18th, 2014
Top Zekryt Luv'rz
Zo... Me juz red da buwytnz frum da Mysty Mowntn Revengerz und dat un frum da Myty Marvylz.

Ztay kleer uv dat gamz tunyt. Iz ztartyng tu beweev dez gutz zum zekryt kwazy luv ztuffz appyn'ng.

Hikup. 'Appy Green Day!! Yuz awl nuz ytz waz naam'd uftyr mez rytz!!!

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):
Top Secret Lovers:

So, I just read the bulletins from The Misty Mountain Revengers and The Mighty Marvels

Stay clear of that game tonight. I am starting to believe they have some secret crazy love stuff happening.

Hiccup.

Happy Green Day. You all know it was named after me right?
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 17th, 2014
Saynt Patrykz Day!
Itz Saynt Patrykz Day und Da Big Green 'un zayz wez muzt awl zelybrat!

Fur awlz da gamz tunyt it kud bee fun az 'eck!

Be furz da gamz eech pway'r rullz 1d6. If itz a "1" dey 'ad a few tu many wen da koach wuzn't lukyng.

Dat play'r iz a bone-ed (ifz yur nutz awedy) fur da gamz. Butz yf 'ez KO'd putz 'ym yn da rezervz ynzted.

Ulzo eech teem getz Un freez Bludwyzr babz komplymyntz Da Leeg Kommish!

'Appy Saynt Patrykz Day evry'un!

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):
St. Patrick's Day

It's St. Patrick's Day and Da Big Green 'Un says we must all celebrate!

For all the games tonight should be fun as heck!

Before the game each player should roll 1d6. If it is a "1" that player had a few too many when the coach wasn't looking.

The player is Bone-headed this match (if not already). But if the player is knocked out put them in the reserves box instead.

Also, each team gets a free Bloodweiser Babe compliments the League Commissioner.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 17th, 2014
2514 Early Season in the Books
The 2514 Early Season is now in the books and what an exciting first half!

Without any chitter-chatter here are some highlights:

If the Play-offs were to be held today this is how things would shape up:

League Points advancing
1st (1st round bye) - 47 pts - Desert Dragons (Lizards) / 10-3-1 record
2nd (1st round bye) - 40 pts - Redwood Dogers (Wood Elves) / 9-1-2 record
3rd - 39 pts - Brimztone Zlay'erz (Chaos Dwarfs) / 7-2-7 record
4th - 37 pts - The Walkersn (Undead) / 7-3-3 record

Win % advancing
5th - 60% win ratio - Zorbug's Best Basha's (Orc) / 3-0-2 record
6th - 50% win ratio - The Mighty Marvels (Human) / 5-1-4 record

Sixty-six matches were played in the early season. Here are some game stats:

11 tied games - 16.7% of matches
175 TD's - avg of 2.7 / match
284 Casualties - avg of 4.3 / match
52 Kills - avg of 0.8 / match
Gate - 28,000 fans

And finally the player stats:

Most SPP's
LC (Life Challenged) - 52 pts / The Walkers (Ghoul) / RIP LC

Most TD's (8)
Staminilin Poplar - Redwood Dogers (Wood Elf Catcher)
Slick Seth - Desert Dragons (Skink)
Mad Eye Ska-Sta-Khan (Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur)

Most Casualties (10)
Breaking Benjamin - Desert Dragons (Saurus) / including 4 in one match vs Turunga Meeple Leafs!

Most Kills (3)
Rash-a-ghoul - The Walkers - (Mummy)
Grizh-Na-Gazh - Brimztone Zlay'erz (Chaos Dwarf Minotaur)

Most Completions (29)
Johnny E - Orange Bronco Crushers (Human Thrower) / including 5 in a match vs The Meeple Leafs and Zorbug's Best Basha's!

Most MVP's (4)
Steminon Birch - Redwood Dogers (Wood Elf Lineman) / Enjoy your retirement Birch!

Top Offensive Player (Td's and Compl.) (40)
LC - The Walkers (Ghoul) / RIP LC

Top Defensive Player (Cas and Int.) (20)
Breaking Benjamin - Desert Dragons (Saurus)

And finally some interesting streaks and matches (anyone notice a certain Goblin team with the trends here..):
Most Violent Match (9 Casualties)
Misty Mountain Revengers (8) vs. da Rottin' Eye Raiderz (1)
Sons of Woden (6) vs. da Rottin' Eye Raiderz (3)

Most Boring Match (0 - 0 tie)
Sons of Woden vs. Brimztone Zlay'erz

Most Exciting Match (6 TD's)
The Walkers (5) vs. da Rottin Eye Raiderz (1)

Longest Losing Streak (6 games)
The Turunga Meeple Leafs

Longest No Win Streak (11 games)
Orange Bronco Crushers

The final report from the Annual All-Star Game should be up within a day or so. I cannot wait to see how the second half of this season unfolds!

And you creepy Lizards don't forget, as a reward for leading the Early Season, you get a free re-roll for the remainder of the League year!

~Gitter Numbercrunch - Skaven League Statician
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 14th, 2014
FRA Arrests - Tegu Lizdry and Robius Fordius
Late last night former Desert Dragons Head Coach, Tegu Lizdry, was arrested by the RCMP in his swampy winter retreat near Regina Beach.

Lizdry left his lackluster coaching career in the RFBBL at the beginning of this season when his good friend, Robius Fordius, offered him top position with the Federal Regeneration Agency. They met at Turunga College way back in 1997. Last year both narrowly avoided jail time when they plead Guilty to using Crack Rogaine.

Petitions have already gone up from non-profit activist group RMHU (Regeneration Makes Healthy Undead). They are demanding Lizdry and Fordius be exiled to Lustria.

Lizdry apparently was using Sex-Changed Skinks to create the official Scrolls of Regeneration for the CBBL (Canadian Blood Bowl League). The skinks were under deliberate orders (via Lizdry himself) to mis-translate the scrolls causing them to fail at least 93% of the time.

In a formal interview, The Walker's Head Coach, Jonny Slammer, had this to say, "I am furious. Heads are going to roll from this day forward. And then I am going to dig them up again personally. It is going to be ugly people. I guarantee it."

The Walker's have had a terrible string of events this season. A closure to the RFA Regeneration Scroll Scandal will hopefully stop the bleeding. Knightmare (Wight / 36 SPP's), Son of Mumm-Ra (Mummy / 42 SPP's), and now LC (Ghoul / 85 SPP's) have all been killed within the past few weeks. And to rub salt into the Walkers wounds Lethargy (Ghoul / 41 SPP's) was forced to retire as well.

"It is just not right", said number one Walker's Fan Minnie von Pearl. "The Undead regenerate. That is just how it is. I am overwhelmed today. I demand the Bobbit Penalty for Fordius and Lizdry!"

Life Challenged (LC) was the league's second most experienced player, only a few SPP's behind her team-mate Leaky. And most fans did not know LC (or Elsie) was also the league's top thrower. Yes people, not a human or a Wood Elf - a little Girly Ghoulie.

"Damn LC.. For f*&^ sakes... She popped her head up at the last minute. I didn't mean to hoof her. She was such a fierce opponent. I really dun't likz bumping da chickz", said Mad-Eye Ska-sta-khan.

Despite the ongoing trial we expect a record breaking crowd at the double funeral on Sunday.

"I would expect most of Regina and perhaps Saskatchewan to be in attendance", noted lead Administrator, Howard Huggie, at Regina Memorial. "Son of Mumm-Ra and LC were two of the best. We already have about 3000 Zombies outside our office. Our poor Halfling biscuit crews have been working 24/7 for the internment. If they wouldn't eat 1/2 of what they made we would probably be ok."

Whatever happens from then till now, it should be an interesting All-Star Game this Saturday.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 13th, 2014
Ask Lord Borak (Part 1)
"On another note, the Dodgers would like to have an official investigation on why their coach is ejected every time he has a civil disagreement with the Refs about how his players mistake the opponents' head for the ball when they were kicking at it."
- Webby Leafblower

Well Webby.. Let me tell you a story... Once upon a time in magical pixie land lived some wood elves..

Most Blood Bowl teams surround the player before their dirty player/sneaky git starts kicking. But when your pansy wood elves think of such a thing they always spend 30 seconds arguing. "You do it", says one. "My hair will get too messy", says another. "I simply can't kick that ugly, hideous being. My foot will get warts."

Finally after all this little girl gossip has ended the fancy twirls and pirouettes begin. Because everyone knows anything from the land of discarded foilage must have style and grace...

Pray tell, how can the refs miss that kinda stuff?

Webby Leafblower - take it from a Seasoned Warrior like me. Leave the fouls to the Gobbos and just concentrate on your balls.

Sincerely,
Lord Borak
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 12th, 2014
Death of a Fan Favourite
It is with a heavy heart the Regina Morning Follower has learned that Son of Mumm-Ra, of The Walkers, passed violently last night during the game versus the Desert Dragons.

Son of Mumm-Ra was the league's Top Casualty inflicter at 17 casualties. Last season he was also the 2513 Fan Favourite for Top Kruncha.

"He was on pace to easily double last year's numbers", stated Walker's head coach Jonny Slammer. "It has been a tough week. First of all losing Knightmare and now good ole "Jake". We have such a long, long, long history. It ain't easy being a coach in this damn league. I am going to have to renew our gravedigger contract yet again. That is twice in less than two years for Pete's sake!"

The Saskatchewan Necromancer's Guild is set to hold high council later this week. "We will find a way to get our Son back", stated lead spoke-cromancer Voldemorty Bloodstone.

Legions of Zombies have already started making way to Riverside Memorial.

His eulogy is expected to read as follows:
"Not the true son of the late-late(r) Mumm-Ra but I am told a direct descendant. The great-great-great grandson had a cousin that had a cat which was married to this guys goat or something. Normally he goes by "Jake"."

Many "Walker's" fans were expecting both Son of Mumm-Ra and Knightmare to attend this Saturday's All-Star Game. With these two tragic events, the odds have already started shifting towards the Wascana Wastelanders.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 11th, 2014
False Alarms
After a week long manhunt Regina Police have discontinued their search for da Rottin' Eye Raiderz coach Verm Gombardi.

"The streets have been littered with Missing posters", stated Orange Bronco Crusher coach Mad Dog Madden. "Stuff like this is so good for the printing business, bless that Gobbo's soul!"

"With the recent warm weather this weekend, the streets have become quite hazardous for someone so small", says Golo Guildometer of the CBC environmental weather service. "A goblin could easily drown in all that mucky snow melt."

Chief missing person investigator, Constable Vingo McMurdy, has "supposedly" interrogated the entire Brimztone staff. Both McMurdy and Da Big Green 'Un have declined all comments.

"I wuz pwetty zure I zaw him frozen to da metal wyndow over at Dancer'z lazt week", said former team-mate Goblin Joe. "But it wuzn't 'im. Dat poor git - dat place haz been shutz down for u whyle now?"

Nobody was sure why Goblin Joe was at that location, however.

In the interim, da Rottin' Eye Raiderz have been an extremely quiet team this past week. Numerous false alarms must have them very tired. Or perhaps it is all the dodging away from Princess Patty Big Bawlz.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 11th, 2014
If Yuz r Puzd No Bawl Grabb'n
Zo Grizh-Na-Gazh puzz'z un m'elf. E goz tu da zpaz wer da bawl iz. Doez da m'elf gytz tu pyk up da bawl? Nupz. It zkattr'z Un zpaz. Wez may 'av play'd dat rulz wrung. Uggz.

Ulzo - yer gitz getz ur Ull-Ztarz zelekt'nz yntu da Commiss befurz Frydayz. Itz gunna bee un kyllyr gamz!!

Translation (via Luv'n da Ork Luva):
If You Are Pushed No Ball Grabbing

So Grizh-Na-Gazh pushes a (female) elf. He goes to the space where the ball is. Does the elf get to pick up the ball? Nope. It scatters one space. We may have played that rule wrong. Uggz.

Also, coaches get your All-Star selections into the Commissioner before Friday. It's gonna be a killer game!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 6th, 2014
Any Witch Way dey Kan
Lazt nyt Tor Shaleworker, da koach uv da Misty Mountain Revengerz, azkz mez..."Kun yuz dewibyrt'ly NUT put eweven stuntiez on da pytch?"

I wuzn't zurz. Whyz woodz dez nutz wanna putz eweven? Mur stuntiez meenz mur 'itz not?

Zoz I goz to da wulz guruz atz www.talkfantasyfootball.org. Und dez zeyz pg 6 / 3rd paragraf ytz kleer lykz mud, "Each coach must set up 11 players, or if they can't field 11 then as many players as they have in Reserves.."

Unly demz goody tu shuz stuntiez wuldz tryz zum'tynk dumz likz dat I zay. Oncz dez gytz dem byg roler tyngz dez ulwayz getz tupid idee'rz. Uggz.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 4th, 2014
Where in the Old World is Verm Gombardi?
Blood Bowl fans were shocked to see a new head coach at last nights game between the Slammin' Salmons and Da Rottin' Eye Raiderz.

Instead of the usual short stout slightly balding Gobbo there was a Beastly Goblin chicky in a sparkly princess uniform. She carried a magic wand with a star and kept prancing around in her ballet shoes.

"We kantz huv dyz kynda dyz'graz in Wegyna," stated Da Big Green 'Un in a formal press conference this morning.

"I know that woman... she used to be a tranny at the Rainbow!" stated Maurice de Mousier. "I think she went by the name Princess Patti Big Bawlz."

Adding further insult after the Raiderz 2 - 0 loss, their Trolls - Glob and Brute were supposedly forced onto the field adorned in pink tutus.

"Paty zayd wez huz to wayrz dem pynky tutuz ur elz zhe wuz gunna zitz on uz," stated Glob in a top secret interview. "I wuz zkar'd tu def."

Family members and a few of the Raiderz veterans (if you can call them that) are frantically searching for Verm Gombardi. But no one has seen or heard from him since his last match Saturday night.

"I think them Brimztone's roughed him up a bit after that sick post about bumping the Big Green 'Un." said Stan "da man" Ditka. "I mean look - Verm's team has played 12 games this season. 57 casualties received including 12 dead goblins. Do we really want a coach like this gaining the reigns on the RFBBL?" He has trouble enough with his depends AND keeping his boys alive. We would all be dead if that git was in charge."

The Brimztone Zlay'erz declined all comments.

In the meantime people have been warned that a few cravenly gits may try to impersonate him. Please don't fall for it people.

"Iz noz ytz 'ard tu dyztyngwiz Gobbos frum each uver. Butz wez gutz tu be zurz itz weely 'im. Ifz yuz zeez da reel Verm pweez bryng imz ztraatz tu mez." says the League Commissioner.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 1st, 2014
The Fans have Spoken
Breaking News:

A small crowd gathered near Regina City Hall tonight as the 2514 Fans Choice - Most Wanted Awards were announced.

"For f&^% sakes it is freezing in this absurd city," stated Grichitta Gizzlenards. "Why would anyone live in a place where it is -60 degrees Celsius? We can't enjoy games in this absurdity."

With the extreme weather overshadowing the ceremony, without further ado here are the glorious winners:

Fearless Frederick - Desert Dragons
and
Zezal Torlyl - Menzoberanzan Shadowblades

Of course many fans were disappointed their favourites weren't chosen.

"Demz da Brakz," was the only comment from Da Big Green 'Un.

Boys - your spa and pedicure package are now in the mail. Enjoy them while you can. Money for nothing some might say.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 28th, 2014
OT, Block/Blitz Rules Clarifications
Hi everyone,

A few rules clariciations:

Block - In order to make a block you must have an elligible standing target adjacent to your player. Also, if you declare a block you MUST throw the appropriate block die(dice). Otherwise the action is a move (0) action not a Block. A prone player may not declare a block action unless it has Jump-up.

Blitz - is NOT a block action. You may only declare one blitz per turn. A block MAY be made anytime during the blitz but it is not mandatory.

Jump-Up - If you have a prone player with Jump-up which declares a Block action you must test for this ability. Any other action (Blitz, Foul, Pass, Handoff, or Move) does not require a Jump-up test.

Overtime - Regular Season (Early and Late) do not go into overtime. If the score is a tie after the second half it is a tie.

Any other questions - ask away!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 26th, 2014
Dyzgraazful.. Woez tu deez Un'appy Dayz
An emergency meeting took place between League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un, and his Halfling Board of Directors late last night.

“Wez dyd NUT want tu beweev yt. Butz ytz weely twue”, stated da Rottin' Eye coach Verm Gombardi.

The subject – the disgraceful avoidance of “certain” coaches to play select opponents. Yes folks, to our dismay, certain “winning” coaches continually decline match requests.

In defense of his position Carnage Clayton had this to say, “Arranging our sssschedule issss an important part of thisss league. Who and when you play issss critical to our ssssuccccccesssss. Usssss lizzzzardsss are helplesssss againssssst Bloodweisssser Babessss, SSSStar Playersssss, and Wizzzzardsss ya know.”

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard this to be honest. I may only be 3 foot 1 but my balls are bigger than that.” roared Assistant Halfling Treasurer Choppy Butterbiscuit. “There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth at this meeting. We all were just stunned that this kind of behaviour could happen in this fine league. Absurd. Even an over-stuffed Hobbit knows this is wrong.”

“Wez keepz azk’ng da Dezzertz Dragunz tu playz a gamz butz dez keepz zay’ng NO. Itz dyzguzt’ng”, says Da Big Green “Un.

“Blood Bowl is not the place for cowards,” blurted Leif Von Gizzard, “If I wanted to see chickies in tutu’s I would hit the Center of the Arts ballet. Or perhaps a better place would be the Dragons dressing room.”

Section 31.2A.C.1.31/2 of the LRB 6.0 charter specifically states coaches must be accountable for their actions. Therefore under the house rule section we have clarified what is not allowed when it comes to these kinds of acts of selfishness and complete un-Nuffle-liki-ness.

Effective today you may place a Challenge through the League Commissioner. The coach issuing the challenge will be known as the Challenger. The coach being issued the challenge will be under lockdown. Unless they have arranged a match previous their next game must be against the Challenger.

Only 1 challenge request will be allowed per team per season (early or late). Yes, this means one team could be under lockdown for up to 12 requests. Suck it up buttercup.

An outstanding challenge will not prevent the challengers from playing other games in the interim. The challenges will be posted via the forum section (accessible to coaches only).

In other news we have three reminders.

Firstly, the annual All-STAR match will take place on Saturday, March 15. Last season the Wascana Wasteland Division took the honours vs. the Pile of Bones division. As the league structure has changed it will be a contest of good vs. not so good this year. Therefore it will be humans, norse, dwarfs, and wood elves on one side. On the other will be all the rest of the misfits. As soon as we arrange a venue you will be in the know.

Secondly, it is rumoured the Menzoberanzan Shadowblades, under the guidance of Zaknafein the Weapon’s Master, have finally emerged from their winter indulgences (orgy).. errr.. vacation. It is believed they are in the process of selling their stadium and taking their show on the road. I am hoping they will make their 2514 debut this weekend. Leading the league in TV it should draw an extra-ordinary crowd.

Finally, on a positive note, it seems we have a few new bounties in the world of RFBBL land. It is a small speck of happy in such a distraught time.

~Burnt Cookies – star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 25th, 2014
Wee Lyttyl 'Unz
Aftyr reedyng dat mozt ezellent bulletyn by Verm Gombardi, "Wer getting murdured out there!" I muzt zay I wuz muv'd.

Iz waz der fur dat gamz und ytz waz Un 'eck uv a matcz!

Yn ord'r tu givz da lyttyl guyz a chanz (Gobbos und Halfiez) dez cun ztartz witz morz guyz. Un morz dan uzul. Zo likz umm... hmm.. wateva dat numba yz.

Ulzo... dunt furgetz tu gytz yur nomynatyonz fur de 50K Bownteez beefurz Frydayz.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 22nd, 2014
Happy Days?
A massive green tide swept the University district this afternoon as hundreds of drop-out students protested the complete atrophy of the Wanted!! section of the RFBBL.

The RFBBL, currently in its second season, only has two active "Bounties". The fans are demanding more.

Sminov Icycle stated, "How can a Blood Bowl Organization as prestigious as the RFBBL have only TWO Bounties? I don't care if we have pansy coaches like Carnage Claybaby or Mad Dog Maiden on our payroll. Taxpayers pay good money to see this kinda stuff you know."

Shaking three fists in the air Henry Winky Winkleer agreed with Icycle. "How's can you be's cool if you ain't wanted? Besides... school is not everything ya know? There is good money in Pro Sports and Happy Days."

League Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, had this to say, "Wez wurk'n on itz."

In the interim, 2514 Flatland Cup coaches are allowed to nominate two active players participating this season. Private votes can be sent directly to the League Commissioner. You can be assured that your votes will be handled in a completely unfair and biased fashion.

"Da Big Green 'Un undyrztandz yur 'urtz."

The winners will be announced on Friday, Feb 28. In addition to a pedicure and bath salt spa treatment these two bathing beauties will also gain a 50K bounty as funded by the citizens of Regina.

We already know what you are thinking. Bumping that haughty player on your own team won't get you the street credit ya filthy animals.

"Butz meez lykz huw yur tynk'ng!"

~Burnt Cookies - star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 22nd, 2014
A few good updates
Hey coaches, here are a few rules which are often forgotten in the heat of the battle:

1) If you get a push or defender stumbles result you can only push your opponent into the crowd if there are no empty eligible spaces on the pitch. The pushed player will do everything he/she/it can to stay on the field.

2) When using the sideline template the first square the ball enters when the crowd throws back the ball is the square it left when it departed the field.

3) Apothecaries are used before Regeneration rolls are made.

4) The ball scatters 1d6 spaces in direction d8 during a kick off. If the ball is not caught it will bounce another d8 one time before coming to rest.

5) Spiraling expenses come out of the team treasury immediately after the game report is approved by the Commissioner.

6) Any other rules clarifications - feel free to drop me a note anytime.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 21st, 2014
Games Day - Saturday, Feb 22
Hey everyone ~ Just a reminder that there is a Games Day at Imperial School (north Broad Street) tomorrow. It might be a great location to get in a few matches and skill up those wimps.. umm I mean players.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 13th, 2014
Please Give Generously
In a surprising move the RFBBL Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, has engaged the support of the Regina City Council for the RFBBL Deceased Family Fund. "Wez gunna gooz brokz ifz wez duntz getz wurk'n un itz."

Regina Mayor, Meekyl Fuji-aire exclaimed, "18 games into the season and we already have an average of 4.5 casualties per game. That is translating to almost 1 death per match (not including fans). At this rate the Family Fund will be bankrupt by mid-season."

He also added these comments, "Regina loves its Blood Bowl. We have to give something back. Well not us.. but Reginonians i mean.

Look, if Tele-Miracle can raise millions surely we can all pitch in a few coppers to help those widows and fatherless children."

The city contemplated setting up a telephone poll but perhaps after the water treatment polling faisco they wisely agreed against.

As Fuji-aire stated, "Forget wasting money on useless tele polls, we have better ways to swindle our tax-payers hard earned salary. In fact, one of my personal favourites is our parking enforcement cars scouring the low to mid income streets and handing out "overparking" tickets. What a brilliant law that one is... I wish I had thought of it myself."

Donations of 10,000 or more will recieve a formal tax receipt. Donations of 50,000 or more will receive a free "I love Regina" t-shirt. Donations of 200,000 or more will get a free tour of the mayor's swanky home.

Please give generously. Our families NEED you!!

~Burnt Cookies - star reporter / Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 10th, 2014
Uggz... Tuu munzy refz.
Zo da lazt gaam da Brimztone Zlay'erz wuz twy'ng der bezt tu du zum zneeky ztuff. Butz dem guudy guudy tuu shuz stuntiez hud refz evry'werz. Yukz. Diz iz Blood Bowl nutz za refz kunvenzun..

Enuff iz enuffz I zayz. Undz wutz I zayz goz.

Sturt'ng todyz wez nvok'ng deez rulz:

**Fouls**
This Rule goes into effect as of Feb 10, 2014. Please refer to the house rules section.

If your figure is going to be expelled for fouling (i.e. rolling doubles on the armour or injury roll) your head coach may argue the call.

On a:
1 your coach is ejected from the game and the penalty remains.
2 - 5 has no effect.
6 The ref reverses the decision. The foul is overlooked or the special weapon can be re-used this game.

Each double incident is treated individually (i.e. you could reverse the double roll on the armour and then roll doubles on injury and get ejected).

*Secret Weapons
Also, your head coach may argue the call for one Secret Weapon each drive.

*Ejected Coaches
A team with an ejected head coach may not argue the calls for the remainder of the match. The team also gets -5 if Brilliant Coaching is rolled on the Kick-Off Table.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 5th, 2014
Swyng'n wid da oldiez und alzo da newziez
Welz folkz, da 2514 zeaz'n iz n'ow ztarted. and itz k'wunchy alwedy.

Zo da 2513 zeazun champz, Da Black Crag Boogerz! dezided tu rewax fur a bitz. Dez wunt'd da uderz du havz a chanz diz yeer, I wudz emaginz datz wutz dey wer fink'n.

Yuv zeen da uver teemz beforz... well ezept fur da New Orc Orda uv coorz. Dez ne'vr did getz a game inz lazt zeaz'n.

Zoo.. untu biznezz. We wudz likz tu intraduz da lat'z ezpanziunz teemz!

Misty Mountain Revengers - (revengez fur watz? beun shurtz id zay) - stuntiez

Redwood Dodgers - (zoundz likz a spoywd baz'bawl teem ta mee und duz redwood meenz fyrwudz?) - woodiez

The Mighty Marvels - (ugg wy dez dem umiez fink dey r zupreroz?) - humiez

Orange Bronco Crushers - (watz a bronko and tuu funy - da umiez krussinz watz - der toz i betz) - yup mur humiez

Slammin' Salmons - (urz watz duz fizhz gutz tu du witz BB? Zlammin' fizh? Yupz b'furz wez eetz dem rrawz i gezz. Me iz kunfuz'd..) yup - uginz mur humiez... enufz humiz. zik'n'yng. werz da orkz diz yrz??

**Brimztone Zlay'erz - (now diz iz a teem uz Blood Bowl fanz kan getz behindz) - Kaos stuntiez - da bezt kynda stuntiez kauz dez gutz zum hobgobz. Hobbyz ur uwayz gud fur zum zneaky gitzy kynda ztuffz.**

Wez hupz uz n'joyz dis zeez'n. Itz gunna be a guderz - FUR ZUR!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Jan. 20th, 2014
Get ready, get set... 2514 here we come!
Season II (2514) is just around the corner. Coaches meeting will be Thursday, January 30 at the German Club 7pm. If you are interested in joining please attend.

The final for battle of the bands will be upstairs... so we will meet downstairs in the bar area. See you in a few days!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 21st, 2013
2513 Flatland Cup Player Awards
Ok...The results are in and here are the 2513 Flatalnd Cup Player Awards:

Top Scorer (10 TD's):
Brassclaw Crapslappa - Da Black Crag Boogerz (gains FF Skill)

Runner Ups: (9 TD's):
Tarro Oguana - Desert Dragons
Lethargy - The Walkers
Za Scoot - Zorbug's Best Basha's
Tarene the Fabulous - Tamriel Splinters

Top Cruncha (8 Casualties):
Son of Mumm Ra - The Walker's (gains FF Skill)
Runner Ups (varies):
Sadblossom the Great - Tamriel Splinters (8)
Brute - Turunga Meeple Leafs (7)
Comes duh Boom - Turunga Meeple Leafs (7)

Top Killa (2 Fatalities):
Green Hand Scoot - Zorbug's Best Basha's (+1 MVP reward)
Runner Ups (2):
Dinin Do'Urden - Menzoberanzan Shadowblades
Mrs. Johny Slammer - The Walkers
Sadblossom the Great - Tamriel Splinters

Top Thrower (32 Completions):
Fillim the Dangerous - Tamriel Splinters (gains +1MVP)
Runner Ups (varies):
Green Hand Scoot - Zorbug's Best Basha's (19)
Pin Pointe - Turunga Meeple Leafs (17)
Mother Superior - Sisters of Saint Sebastian (14)

Season MVP / Most Star Player Points (Tie / 49 - 1d6x10 gp's to team)
Leaky - The Walkers
Brassclaw Crapslappa - Da Black Crag Boogerz
Runner Ups (49):
Dodger Goodelf - Tamriel Splinters
Filim the Dangerous - Tamriel Splinters

All awards will take effect immediately after the play-offs have ended.

Cheers!!
~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 20th, 2013
Welkum tu da Pwayovz
Hey everyone,

The regular season has come to an end. The quarterfinal matches have been loaded.

Will it be an Orc on Orc final? I am sure some Darkies, Vikings, Woodies and Lizzies want to have a say in that.

A few rules for the quarterfinals:

1) No mercenary, star player, or wizard inducements
2) Fan Factor, gate, and winnings are as normal
3) If possible, the quarterfinal match needs to be completed asap (so we can ensure the semi-final matches are done before the convention - May 5)
4) Good Luck to everyone who made the cut
5) THANK YOU to everyone for an amazing inaugural season. It has been a super fun time

Stay Tuned for the Player and Team Awards...

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Apr. 10th, 2013
It's Crunch Time
Well folks... It is finally crunch time. Yuck...Noooooo... not that kinda crunch... sheesh...

Only 10 days and the regular season is over. I just wanted to thank everyone for a great inaugural run. Wow... I never thought we would have this many games played in such a short span. And from what I have heard via the rumour mill I expect a lot more games before end of day Friday, April 19.

For everyone who has been writing game reports, team updates / bulletins, and the rest of the fluff - A HUGE THANK YOU. I am very much enjoying these reports; I know anyone who visits the site will get a good chuckle out of it as well. We have some pretty amazing writers in this group.

Best luck to everyone!! If you don't make the play-offs - hey... no worries. Their is always next year. What is more important, in my opinion, is that every single coach has been steadily improving their game skills since February. Some too quickly - haha...

Again thanks for embracing the league. It feels pretty great to be part of this.

~Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 30th, 2013
It Can Happen to You
Crowds of Orc fans gathered today at Victoria Park in a direct petition against Da New Orc Orda RFBBL team. Orcs, Goblins, Trolls and Snotlings filled the park in a mass green tide. And for once it wasn't in support of that Roughsomething team...

"We wantz to zeez dem 'lay," says devoted loyalist Danielle Passer.

"Lynch Grom Lungrippa," yelled git John Hochikoochikoo.

Only two Orda players have participated so far this season - Wharg! (da Troll), and Drago "Bulldog" Ambri. And to make matters worse, they didn't participate in a regular league game - it was the All-Star Match (of all places).

"We'z gotz a bitz of paymentz up fruntz," says Bomer "Axe" Ironslayer. I hatz diz moochin' downtownz."

When asked for an interview, Grom Lungripper had only this to say. "I'm sorry I just don't have time."

RFBBL Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un stated, Wez workingz awn itz.”

Speculation has it Lungripper is two timing. He has been known to be involved in the top secret and highly suspect FRAG organization. As if anyone knows what FRAG truly stands for?

With less than a month before the post-season it will be unlikely they will make the six game minimum. Da New Orc Orda might be the first team to join and fold within the same year.

- Star Reporter - Burnt Cookies
~ Source - Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Mar. 24th, 2013
Wascana Wasteland - All-Star Winners / '13 Season
After a grueling match ending in nail-biting, sudden-death overtime, the Wascana Wastelander's become the '13 All-Star Champions.

Sister Mary Clarence (Sister's of Saint Sebastian), opened the scoring in the first half. With only minutes remaining in the second half Pin Pointe (Turunga Meeple Leafs) ran the ball for the tie.

In overtime an absolutely brilliant play by the Tamriel Splinter duo of Fillim the Dangerous and Tarene the Fabulous gave the Wasteland division the win.

Casualties were 2 - 2 in the game with three apothecary services utilized. Anole Aikzard (Desert Dragons), Pin Pointe (Turunga Meeple Leafs), and Sinfjotl (Sons of Woden) were badly hurt. A hammer blow delivered by the Son of Mumm-Ra caused a serious injury on Sigmund (Sons of Woden).

The referees expected to see much foul play this game; as such, they had Dwarven ornithoptor's hovering above the stadium to keep things clean. Raevon (Abyssal Rifts), Drago (Da New Orc Orda), and Life Challenged (the Walkers) were sent to the dungeon for fouls. Foom (Goblin Bombadier - da Rottin' Eye Raiderz) was the sole secret weapon in the game. His first bomb was quite spectacular knocking down two Wastelander's. The second was fumbled and caused quite a stir from the Pile of Bones Fans.

Attendance was unrecorded but the Pile of Bones fans easily outnumbered the WW division two to one. Despite this the unruliness of the Wastelander's kept the Pile of Bones players well away from the sidelines.

This win has provided a much needed boost to the WW teams. But their blind faith in the leadership skills of Eradra Boldrin (head coach) and Zorbug (assistant) paid off well.

The fans are pretty stoked for the late season to begin tomorrow.

With only a month before the play-offs things are expected to heat up pleasantly.

Source - Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 28th, 2013
"Diz Aintz NHL Hockeyz"
On February 10 we reported that the 2513 Flatland Cup was ready to launch. Two weeks later four teams have yet to hit the field. Fans are trying to be understanding but of course have become somewhat impatient.

In today’s official press conference, League Commissioner, Da Big Green ‘Un, had this to say. “Diz Aintz NHL Hockeyz. Wez workingz awn it.”

When pressed for details the coaches and players had these comments.

“Da Boyz just notz readyz yetz”, says Da New Orc Orda head coach Grom Lungripper. “Da Boyz spendz da dayz getzing Whargh!” (star Troll) to tye iz shwoz.”

“We have been lying or sitting for the past 10 years ya know”, exclaims the Walkers star Mummy, Mumm-Ra. “Loosening our joints is not such an easy task. Sheesh – what is the rush anyway? I have all the time in the world. Unfortunately, perhaps you don’t…haha” he added with a wink and a smile.

Shadowblades coach, Zaknafein the Weapon’s Master commented, “Our rituals for our field and jersey’s are almost complete.” Fearing further details we declined to delve more into this topic.

Father Michael Hammer, head coach of the Sisters of Saint Sebastian, replied, “This damn freezing cold weather and snow is so not our lifestyle. Our girls have to be careful or they might get frostbite. Fortunately, there is a lot of skin exposed when we play. Perhaps just another few weeks and we will be ready. Trust me – Mother Superior will be worth the wait folks.”

With another snow dump expected on Monday we can only keep our fingers crossed.

Source – Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 25th, 2013
Ode to the thankless work of an Apothecary
So... your best player just got thwacked so 'ard he is never going to stand up again..

I felt that pain last night against da Rottin' Eye Raiderz.

You bring your apothercary out on the field to force your opponent to re-roll the injury result. Remember, the team with the apothecary can choose which result of the two you prefer!!

Phew... the player is only badly hurt - in fact your apothecary is so darn smart he has loaded the player with painkillers so he can partake in the next drive...

How do we record that on the game submission / match data form?

The player who caused the injury should be placed under the most lethal result for SPP's (between the two results). So if the original result was a kill and then the apothecary healed the player to a missed next game you would credit the batterer with a kill.

On the other side you would record the injury as healed by apothecary. In addition, you would also record an injury for the second (apothecary re-rolled) injury.

When it comes time to submit your match results it will say the numbers don't add up - is this on purpose? Just click yes.

Hope this makes sense. It will let our league record the game statistics a little more accurately.

Cheers,
Da Big Green 'Un
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 21st, 2013
Avoid confusion with Match Data
Hi everyone,

In order to avoid confusion when recording match data I would recommend referring to all statistics using the player name or their unique player id.

For example, Nibble the Slayer gets a TD. His player ID (according to the match report) is #00567. I would either record that number or the player's name on the TD section (or on the bottom where you can make better notes). If you use the roster line and / or the figure model number it is easy to get confused after the match.

Stick to one of the above and everything will run a lot smoother when it comes to recording your match statistics.

Also, it is a good idea for both player's to record all the data. This will ensure no sneaky business happens.

Until next time, I hope all your dice are "pows"!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 16th, 2013
Boogerz Drop a Bomb on the Meeple Leafs
Feb 15, 2013

The opening game of the season saw a classic matchup of Orcs vs. Humans.

On the opening drive, late roster addition, Steeky Hunds (catcher) of the Turunga Meeple Leafs, was fatally wounded by Boogerz Blitzer Spikytoof Neakytoz. Neakytoz added a completion for a well played game.

Despite multiple gang attempts on Boogerz Goblin, Neaky Nukker Nukkerz, the sneaky Gobbo managed to escape unscathed.

Mid game Meeple Leafs Ogre, Comes duh Boom, was badly hurt by BO Blocker Goretooth Eyegouger thanks to an assist from seasoned veteran Troll, Old Waldynoz. From that point forward the Humans faced an uphill battle.

"Dez never realyz gotz da ball. We keptz itz a good long whilz.", said Boogerz Blitzer Ironclaw Crapslappa. Crapslappa caused a serious injury to Human Lineman Stan-dard. Stan-dard was hit so hard he decided to resign and take up an exciting career in basket weaving. "I don't mind getting stuck with a pin now and again," replied Stan-dard, who suffered a smashed collar bone, "but when I get frumped like that I am out. My three illegitimate kids need me ya know."

Stan-dard's early exit from the League will likely stay on record for quickest retirement from the game.

With the weather changing to very sunny at the start of the second half the fans decided to storm the pitch bringing down four Humans and one Orc.

17,000 fans showed up for the game. They are very excited for the next event; it is going to be a wild season.

source - Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 15th, 2013
The Art of the Botched Kick-off
Even the best players get nervous before a game in the big leagues. Like our former Sask Roughrider kicking star - named Mcall (umm something), there is no time like the present to botch that all important kick-off. “Sometimes you just have a bad day,”

To celebrate this most refined art, for any games between Feb 15 - 18, all kick-off's will scatter 1d6+1d4 spaces instead of 1d6. If you don't have a d4 just use the d8 (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3, 7-8=4).

On another note, I can't wait to get your match reports! Have a fun and safe Family Day weekend everyone. Remember if they don't stay down keep 'itten em.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 15th, 2013
Happy Urrr... Valentine's Day?
Ok folks.. For those of you with significant others I hope you won't get this till Friday morning..

For the rest of you - in order to forget the sorrow of Bertha (left) and Martha (right) being your two best companions... the Early Season of the 2513 Flatland Cup is now officially underway!!!

All of the possible matches are loaded into the system.

Now quit reading this nonsense and go crack some 'eadz!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 13th, 2013
Roster's Due Tonight
Just a quick reminder that your Team Roster is due this evening at midnight.

I will be splitting the group into two divisions and then assigning matches either late Wed night or early Thursday morning.

If you cannot meet this deadline please email or call me directly. As they say... the show must go on...

Late Tuesday night, Eradra Bolrin, head coach of the Tamriel Splinter's, made the draw for the 10,000 crown early bird prize. You can always trust a Wood Elf to not cheat on this kind of stuff... Congrats to Zorbug's Best Basha's! This bonus can be used as an inducement before your first game - or saved in your treasury to be used after your first game.
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 10th, 2013
Regina Riots Inevitable
Regina - This morning a stream of rioting Goblins took to the streets in the Central Core. Led by the typically peaceful chief, Gurlygitz, they marched from east to west - displacing garbage cans, leering, creeping, shouting, and causing general nonsense.

“Such riots have become in some ways inevitable,” said Liu Kaiming, a social media observer from Balgonie. “We have waited way too long for a real Blood Bowl League in this city.”

"With all of this talk about a new stadium, which has already gone over budget, it is hard to stay cool," comented Wang Zhiqian a stadium budget analyst. "These damn coaches have been relaxing and vacationing, hemming and hawing on their Team Roster's for a while already. They need a kick in the nards I tell ya."

In an official announcement on Cabalvision RFBBL Commissioner, Da Big Green 'Un, had this to add, "We are working on it."

Rumours have recently spread that their will be a 10,000 crown incentive given randomly to one of the Teams which have submitted their roster by midnight on Monday, Feb 11.

-source - Regina Morning Follower
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 
Feb. 8th, 2013
Ribbon Cutting Ceremony Draws Near
Our first League Meeting was a success! We are hoping to have 12 teams (wishful) in our inaugural year. What year is it you might ask? Well, it is 2513 according to NUFFLE (the grand adjudicator of all things Blood Bowl).

So this year's Formal Event will be called the 2513 Flatland Cup ('13 FC for short).

Stay tuned for new exciting announcements folks!
- Da Big Green ´Un
 
 


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2517 Flatland Cup Champions
 
Silver - 2nd Place
 
Bronze - 3rd Place
 
2516 Dungeon Bowl ASG Winners
 
Most Dangerous Team
 
Fair Play Team
 
Wooden Spoon
 

 
 
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