Old Bulletins

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Mar. 15th, 2014
Goblins Alls Stars
Dat Commish ot to gets his head in the game. He aks for the names of 2 gobbos wot to play in the Alls-Stars game. I sez iether we goblins are all all stars are none of us is. But the rilly big problem i gots is with the teams. They sez we gots to play for the bad guys against the good guys. Who the heck sez us Gobbos is bad? I resemble that remark. So just to shows yous all how good we are, we aint playing for the bad guys we's Playing for the good guys even tho we may be plaaying on the bad guys side o' the feild if you gets my drift. Thattal show those bad guys whos gud. I expect all the good guys to kick a little extra of the shiny stuff ar way when the pot is collected. Ime also looking wot for someone to place my bets for me cuz it don't look gud for me to be placing bets on the good side if ime on the bad side even tho i ain't no bad guy.
- Princess Patti Big Bawlz
 
 
Mar. 4th, 2014
Yer Welcome - part 2
The Big Commish Goes absotutely Bonkers with Power

Have you evr sene such a blatant 'n grievous misuse of power. But if life gives you lemons than i sayz you jist rolls withem.

Now the big blockers up front have gots a new skillz set which i am sure will be useful in a pinch. And the truth iz, your truly has alwayz wanted to be a pretty goblin prinzess and i've gots the underpants to provet. Evryone knows goblin princess's hav all the fun, so until i can finds me a wizard wot nos the rite spells iama gonna make the most of the situashon.

I am hereby withdrawing my nominashin for Boss Verm Gombardi as new commish and nominatin' Princess Patti as commishner. All in favor? "AYE!"

PS. I've got some good chuckin' rocks so's just ask if you wants some.
- Princess Patti Big Bawlz
 
 
Mar. 2nd, 2014
Yer Welcome
Da Commish has gone mad with power. Hees making a mockery of us all. Handing out bounteez left and rite and allways ta the rong playerz. He culd've cleaned up the league some with bounties on the rotten dawarfs (we came close to kleening thier clocks on Saturday, but alas). Or he culd've put the bounties on the stinkin' humes what are making us all look bad with there ring-around-the-rosy passing silliness. But thats not how he duz it.

So i sez "Lets clean up this league!" I'm gonna put my own bounty on... da commish hisself, Da Big Green On. Thas right, 50000 clams to the furst to rid us of this calamity. Say no to Duwarfs, say no to mary-go-round passin gamez and say no to the Big Green 'Un by chucking a rock at his 'ed.

Sinse were soon to haf an openning for top boss posishyen. I open the floor to nominashons and I hereby nominate ... Verm Gombardi. All in favour? "AYE!"
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Feb. 26th, 2014
Don't Touch My Dice!!
You guys have been messing up my positive elemental energies, no wonder I keep losing. I'm betting this bad energy is just feeding into more bad energy. I'm caught in a virtual death spiral of bad dice energy.

http://www.rdinn.com/guild/69/how_to_mak...

PS Does anyone have a microwave I can borrow.

PPS When I think of how Dwayne plays and this article I can't help but laugh. Obviously, these are tried and true common sense techniques that everyone has picked up on except myself.
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Feb. 25th, 2014
Secret Private Votes
Iama letting evryone knows my votes for the bountys because iama gobbo an thas how we doos the business. I was gonna vote for my team cause we're goblins an we cud honestly use the spa and bath but since it comes wit the bounty we'll pass on that.

Vote 1 goes to Erik of the Stinking Mighty Humes. He was prancing around throwing the ball here and throwing the ball there and handing off and throwing and throwing again and it really was jus altogether too much. We goblins cud throw likes that but we've got the shor' arms and we donts like to showe off like zat.

Vote 2 was goink to the Hairy Avengers cause i hates the dawarfs but honestly theys arnt rilly that good. Soes i gonna votes for the Creepy Freek Slayers. I knows they aint that good niether but theys are still duwarfs, I think. The pony wot with the Mad Eye is the one most in need of the bath soes he gets my vote. I knows hes not reelly a duwarf but they ride him around and thas jus not rite.
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Feb. 22nd, 2014
Wer getting murdured out there!
The teams got 'eart n guts. We shows ar 'eart n guts night after nite. But sometimes it's just too much 'eart n guts and blud ...and blud for even a gobbo like me.

I shuddo nown we wer in trubble rite away.
"Look coach, they gots goblins too," says one of the lads. Whats the world commin too when goblins fight side by next with a lot a stinky duwarfs. They'll let anyone in this dam league!
"And theys got ponies too," says Kingsley. Now Glob is getting innerested, "Eat pony!" He's been sad evver sinse we fot the 'orsemen and they didn't bring any 'orses. I cud tell he thought it was his big chance to finnally eat an 'orse.
"I don't know what the heck those are," I says, "but they dont look like no ponys to me. You can eat one if you wants but don't complayne to me wen you get a tummy ake." Bah, eat a pony. Sheesh!

Not only was it gobbos and dawarfs but what gobbos and duwarfs. The hole team was a bunch of misfits. Big goblins and weerd lookin dawarfs. And those pony things. I still don't know if they ride them or what they do. Yiech!

Ghrim rallied the troops. "Look fellas, I knows they look funny but there stinky, there 'airy and they burp too much. Thas just like reglar duwarfs."

The match started well. The new fella Rocket bobbed and weaved and zagged and scored a tuchdown rite away. He was just too lighning fast for there weerd stumpy legs. It was beyootiful, at least until they broke 'is 'ead. But it was all down the hill from there. They kept knocking us out and any kind of dawarfs always gots those 'ard 'eads.

Haf way thru the 2nd haf the assisstant coach Fat Morty turns to me an says, "I think were in trubble coach!" You think wer in trubble! What gave it away? The fact that we gots 2 guys on the pitch. Ones face down in a heap near the sidelines and the others a curled up troll whats bawling like a baby alf. I mean the Brimstones are a sick bunch of mutant freak weirdo dawarfs and goblins and ... whatevers. But there is nothing so sick as seeing a grown troll cry. For Morks sake fight back! They just surrounded him and kept hitting and hitting and hitting. I was looking for the ref but the fans had got 'im early in the 2nd haf. I thought they might got us next, having made them see a grown troll cry!

We finally caried him off in a heap leavin jus Raz still curled up in a ball near the sidelines. The bloody giant bull-man thing even scored after that. I eard him called a minitar but he looked pretty big to me.

For the kick-off we wers only left with Raz, Kingsly and Montana Joe. They gathered round. "What's the play coach?"
"Wots the play? Hav you ben hit in the 'ed too much? They gots there hol team and we gots three. Do the math lad. Thats a nine to three advantage, Were outnumbered four to one. Theres a time to fight, a time to stand up and make a stand. But this aint that time. Run for your lives is the play! This is a time to hunker down and think of the insurance rates. Were getting our 'eds bashed in out there but its the rising premiums that are murduring us!"
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Feb. 2nd, 2014
Help Wanted!
Due to recent mishaps world class blood bowl team is seeking new recruits. Travel the world! Opportunities for infamy and gory!

Seeking individuals willing to win at all costs, including but not limited to eye-gouging, hair-pulling, ear-biting and eye-gouging. Should be capable of both administering and receiving a dirty beating. On the job training may be provided in both those fields. Ability to run really really really fast a definite plus. Those with low a pain threshold and/or squeamish at the sight of blood need not apply. Extra consideration given for those individuals able to provide their own hidden weapons, including but not limited to chainsaws, balls and chains, and various eye-gouging instruments. Applicants need to provide funeral cost arrangements and next of kin contact information. Apply today!!
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Apr. 10th, 2013
Oh Woe!
da Raiderz suffered our furst player deth. Oh, how we all laughed wen poor Karnag took that crushin' blow from that smelly reptile. At first it wasn't that funny becuz we dint know how serious it wuz but wen we found out we really laffed hard. It wuz certainly the hylite of wot wuz a terribly poor game all-round. I kept yellin' "Look out for the lizard, look out for the Lizard!" But they wer all Lizardz and the poor lil guy dint see who I wuz yelling about.
Glob was sadder than evryone else but he piped up some when i couldnt come up with a good reason for not letting him have lunch with Karnag.

The tradgedy of the day was the blasted Wizard wot robbed us of our shiny gold. We payd him 100,000 shiny pieces of the stuf. I wuz yellin' from the sidelinez "Zap that lizard, Zap that Lizard!" And shure he made a show of it. He wavez his wotsit-doodad 'round and makes some noizez but nothin' happend. NOTHIN' HAPPEND! The smelly l'zardman made the TD.

And this just a few deyz after that good-fer-nothin' Fungus Loon took us for a big sum too. He playz 3 minutes and then sez i gotta go bribe the ref. "Wot the hek wuz I paying you for?" I sez to him.

Itz a financial conspiracy againzt us goblins! The lowsy refs wont even take our bribez now iether. That wizerd wuz an enemy spy. I bet he wuz a glam'd up lizard-wizard. Ya woodent think I new 'bout them glamz and charmz but I knowz. I also knows that we kin play this game too. Who do yu think has gotz the Gringotts on ther side? Thas right, i kin show you about financial conspiracy!
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
Apr. 7th, 2013
A Change of Takiks
Dispite outscoring our oponents 12-6 in the erly season we never managed a win.
"It's a conspiracy", I says.
"But coach, this is one of them touchdown leagues." pipes up one of the lil fellas.
"Shuddap!", I sez. "I never herd somting so dumn. Only little girlz and elfs care about touchdowns!"
"Iz for reals true!", they all sey.
"Well, goldurnit we're gonna need a change of taciks...takitz...a change of cactus... We need a new game plan." I sez.

With our new plans in place we faced off againzt da stinking humes furst. 3 touchdowns to nun. I thought we wuz gonna lose for all the TDs we wus scoring, but despite the bumps and bruizes the fellas wer happy.

Next up were the smelly woodly alfs. 3 more TD's againzt them including the play of the sentry - a 1 minute over-the-top TD by Krung.
"But boss," he seys, "The troll is always hungry!"
I sayz, "Shaddup! and get out there, we just fed him yesterdey!" As coach somtimes itz my job to listen to the teams konsurns.

Then we playz the foully undead walkers - nothin' of interest happend.

Last up was the scarry black elfs.
"But coach," sez Heinrich, "Not elvz again, I'm scared!"
"Are you a man or a goblin?" I reply.
"I'm a goblin, coach!"
"I knows it. I'm a goblin too and that's why wer scared, but we're gonna lick 'em ennywayz!"
And that's just wut we did. We layd such a dirty lickin' on 'em that all 4 of em left wuz running from us in the 2nd haf.
"Go back to scarey elf town!" we yellz at 'em and showed em our bums.

So that's 3 out of 4 wins since the allz-star game. I'm gonna hafta issue a formal complaint against da commisionner that we wernt never told all the rools.
- Verm Gombardi
 
 
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