Old Bulletins

Old bulletin board
Mar. 15th, 2018
Postseason Approaching
The postseason approaches and the Wonders are a point out of contention. Yet, they don't have any games scheduled?

"Other teams don't want to risk losing anyone or their playoff spot," coach and owner Gregor the Black growled in his most recent media scrum.

It is worth wondering - are these other teams avoiding fisticuffs with this squad?

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Mar. 11th, 2018
Another Tie for the Wonders
Call him Tailor - all he does is make ties. This is in reference to Gregor the Black’s knack for matching the opponent’s score.

This week, the Undercity Wonders took on the elite and quick Green Bay Squeekers. The match featured lots of ball movement and some big hits.

The first half was a frenzy of action with no scores or injuries. The second half was a different story.

The Skaven simply outran the Wonders with a beautiful pass for a score midway through the half. On the Wonders’ possession, they were able to advance the ball in Gulch’s hands to the middle of the field. A duo of gutter runners managed to get to him and knock him down. Miraculously, the ball ended up in the hands of rookie Culch. The rest of the Wonders were able to clear a path for a last minute score.

Mercenary Lord Borak joined the squad for the game, and knocked down several rats. He even shattered the pelvis of a linerat, Borsk. Bloater Plort killed another rat, to the great excitement of the crowd. However, Plort found himself on the recieving end of a nasty blow later which will likely have him out for at least a game.

Of course, the game ended 1-1. What else is new. (No mention of playoffs will be made here.)

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Mar. 5th, 2018
Elf, Meet Bloaty
Memo to the rest of the league: wood elves are fast. However, they can not take a beating.

The Wonders have yet anothet tie on the season. Their game this week against the It's Just an Elf ended 1-1. Thankfully, the Wonders opened the game with possession of the ball and were ale to play a bit of "keep away" as the elves ran rampant through their backfield. No scores were made in the first half.

The elves scored relatively quickly in the second half. The monstrously ugly rotspawn, Bloaty McBloatface, managed to break the neck of an unfortunate elf lineman early in the half. A few othe elves found themselves sidelined due to a bit of "extra-curricular" pushing and shoving (read: fouling) and some plain good tackling. Wardancer Bobby Jo ended up unconscious for the rest of the game. Elf catcher Sammie Lyn hauled in the score.

The final drive of the game by the Wonders was well done. They managed to keep the elves on their heels and push the ball forward without much risk. Bloaty did its job and kept several elves tangled up on the drive, and the agile Gulch was able to drive forward with the tying score at the end of the game.

It was a fairly exciting game, but a tie is a tie. The Wonders are a game out of the playoffs, and the question as to whether they will make it remains.

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Feb. 28th, 2018
Wonders Finally Get the "W"
A win! Yes sports fans, the Undercity Wonders have ventured into the win column for the first time. How exciting this is?! They managed to beat the league's only goblin team, the Dead Goblin Society.

"Those goblins were clearly an inferior team. Nothing to be proud of," sneered coach Gregor after the game to reporters. Clearly, he is ecstatic with the team's progress.

The two stars of the day were Gulch and Mulch of growing fame. Gulch managed to move all over the field with the ball, and managed to bring it in for two scores on the day. He is very exciting to watch, and fans seem to be loudest when he is near the ball.

Mulch had a very different day. Mulch managed to kill two defenders. They were gobbos, but who cares? The "rough" image of this team was actually backed up in their play this week. Bloaters Blort and Plort also got in on the action by sending off a goblin each of their own.

The game ended 2-1 on a late touchdown by Gulch. The team managed to prevent a last second scoring attempt when one of the Dead Goblin Society's trolls decided to munch on the ball handling gobbo instead of throwing him.

A very exciting game for Wonders fans. Now we must ask - is playoff contention a possibility?

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Feb. 18th, 2018
Gulch has Nine Lives
Well, that was interesting. In their fifth match-up of the season, the Wonders took on the mean-looking Consortium of Ogres. As stupid as ogres normally are, the match ended up being fairly even.

More casualties were seen in this match than the Wonders have dealt with before, but more were expected given the small and “squishy” nature of the annoying snotlings. They managed to hop around and avoid any serious injuries for the most part. Perhaps the biggest surprise was the near-disastrous injuries suffered by emerging fan-favourite Gulch.

In the first half, ogre Zurok managed to dodge and blitz away from a group of Wonders players and chase down Gulch. The punch thrown by the ogre crushed the decayed pestigor’s skull and left the beastman twitching on the field. The worst was assumed, but by the grace of Nurgle, Gulch regained consciousness and was able to get himself onto the bench.

The second half had Gulch thrown into the crowd with rabid fans nearly causing his demise a second time.

The match ended in a 0-0 tie, as neither side was able to score. Both of Gulch’s injuries occurred with less than 10 yards between him and the end zone. The ogre’s best shot at a score was snuffed at the end of the second half when Kriut the ogre killed Triag the snotling while trying to launch him down the field with the ball.

It was a fun game, but the Wonders are desperate for a win.

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Feb. 11th, 2018
Wonders Score First Touchdown
A good week for the Wonders has come to an end. Two games, and while they were only a loss and a tie, the players appear to be getting better and are clearly making adjustments. Clearly, the coach has to be happy.

"These pansies need to get their arse in gear," growled Gregor to the media after the match as he stormed into the locker room.

Earlier this week the Wonder dropped a game 1-0 against the Prarie Prowlers. They managed to actually hurt an opposing player, with the Bloater Slort breaking the ribs of a lineman. The human has since retired.

Yesterday, the Wonder scored their first touchdown against a very experienced Orc squad, The Eye. The match ended with a 1-1 tie, and thankfully no one on the Wonder roster died. They managed to slip in a kick under the referees watchful gaze that did hurt a Black Orc. Gregor was seen with his first smile all season on the sideline whilst the Orc was dragged off by teammates.

The fanfare is growing around this team. Expectations are low, but they will be very happy to see their first win (or kill).

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Feb. 7th, 2018
Dark Elves Fumble Game-Winner
What a match that was. Last night, the Undercity Wonders played against the skilled veteran squad, the Midnight Madness. The game ended in a tie, but was nonetheless exciting start to finish. The Wonders showed real promise in a fight, and were rewarded through several key turnovers.

The most exciting moment of the game occurred in the dying seconds of the second half. Alone, Slort the Bloater approached the grounded ball on his own goal line. The Madness's Assassin managed to get past him to grab the ball, but clumsily fumbled it into the end-zone to fail for the game winning goal. The Bloater managed to somehow grab the ball and completed a pass to a teammate as time expired to save the 0-0 tie.

More fans did come for the Wonders this time, and it appears likely that this will improve for their next match. As their experience grows, this team is surely getting more exciting.

A real defensive juggernaut could be developing here.

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Feb. 5th, 2018
Poor Performance Follows Poor Attendance
Last weeks match against the Khemri Bad Mother Bashers was nothing worth remembering for players or fans of the Undercity Wonders. You could say that the fandom of the team is reflective of their showing thus far, but at least their coach is "positive".

"If this doesn't motivate them, I don't know what will," a frustrated Gregor mumbled to reporters after the game.

There weren't many fans out to see the 2-0 loss to the Bashers. Not one skeleton got hurt while the Wonders repeatedly lost the ball and failed to score.

Honestly, a team of rookies is not likely to do well in this league of veterans at the start. If they don't die first, they will need any experience they can get. Wins will come eventually.

Speaking of death - the Wonders lost one of their own in the match. Scabby the Rotter lost his head (literally) to a fairly skilled Khemri Blitzer. We'll see who ends up taking his place after the next match.

Next up - the vaunted Midnight Madness. We'll see if they get their schemes in order and can take them down. Rumor has it there may be a Star Player in the works for a short term deal on the team...

- Snotty Rotpen, Wonder beat reporter, Underworld Weekly
- Gregor the Black
Undercity Wonders
Race:  Nurgle
Coach:  Gregor the Black

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